It's helping, this new way of thinking. I am beginning to see the light and that very small glimmer of hope. Hope. Now that I've said it, I realize that I've been without it for a very long time. With any luck, it will actually stick around because I quite like the feeling that there's even a small chance that things will improve. Those of you who have ever felt hopeless will understand what I mean and those who have not are truly blessed to have never been there.
I think today actually began on Saturday and built up to the present. I've spent so much time over the past few days with dear friends who let me be myself, which was imperative to starting the change. The fact that these friends are uniquely qualified to make me laugh is also crucial. So starting off in a good mood certainly spawned the movement. This was then followed by a very good chat last night (see yesterday's post) all of which allowed me to free myself today to doing things for myself. Not that I really accomplished anything inspiring (laundry, watered and pruned my houseplants) but I did everything because I wanted to do it. I certainly needed to do laundry and the plants needed watering but today I did those things without being tormented by the monstrous Shadow of Ought. It my seem trivial but for me it was monumental, enlightening and motivating. It was a glorious change for me and truly felt like today was a brand new day.
Now if only I can keep this up for the rest of my life -- or even just a series of tomorrows.
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