Supression

I've come to realize that I've been stifling myself for years. There has been a long, slow progression of suppression and I realize that I am now just a meager representation of the person I once was. 

I suppose it is only natural that, as we age, time constraints and responsibilities push aside many of our interests and hobbies.  While that may be true, I also believe that I have been pushing away many of my interests, passions and emotions simply because I have felt that I had no one to share them with.  Granted, over the years I have also developed a few new hobbies and rediscovered a few long dormant skills but for the most part I have all but buried most of what made me who I am.  Or at least who I was since I'm still trying to figure out who I am.

I've been trying to figure out why these friends I've been raving about are so important to me and why they have been so instrumental in helping and healing me.  I think it's because when I am with this small, select group of people I can really be me, uninhibited.  They know all of me and all of my layers and we share things.  We share interests (primarily creative ones like writing and art) and we share ourselves with each other.  I am not afraid to be myself with these people because I know that they will understand my deeper layers.  I know this because theirs are very much like mine.

Now that I know this, I need to dig deeper a little more often and coax out the creativity.  Spending time with the people who understand me will hopefully help me do that, and with any luck they will be able to help me find more of the person I was -- because I miss her.