It's been quite a while since I felt this way: sad, hopeless, lost. I've been wondering most of the night what the point is to this meaningless & futile existence I lead. I try so hard. I'm a relatively good person. I don't want much. I don't understand why everything is so damn hard. My life is completely fucked up and I am trapped in it. I keep trying to get out but nothing works. The changes are too small and too far apart to leave any sustainable feeling of improvement.
As long as I live in my bubble and go about my daily activities, I can pretend that everything is ok. But it just takes one little thing to remind me that I'm in that protective bubble and why.
Maybe one day I'll get out but at this rate I don't know what will be left of me when I do.
Breathe. Follow your breath for awhile.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, breathing is the best action, the only right action.
This is the time of year when everyone is rushing around towards something and nothing and we all forget to breathe.
Life is fleeting, that's true. But it's also slow as hell and the changes you think aren't happening take their sweet ass time to arrive. Give yourself two years and then look back at all this. You'll see progress, your efforts will pay off.
I'm sorry I don't come to the blogosphere very often these days. I'm also working towards something, towards much needed changes, and yes, they are taking their time here. It doesn't help my that my doubt gets in the way of everything, but that's just one of those things I have to work around, right?
I just want you to know I do still check in and I do care. Hugs to you and yours.