I didn't include a cancer update in my last post so thought I should add it, in case any of you are following. Things have improved and my family is back to dealing with one cancer patient again. Yay!
My Dad had his colonoscopy reversal surgery in March and is now pretty much fully recovered. He's out golfing again and is ready to enjoy an active summer after sitting on his butt for the better part of a year. He goes back for a routine check up in July, which is 6 months since the end of his chemo treatment.
My sister's cancer is stable. There are still some stubborn "spots" on her liver, which refuse to go away. On the bright side, they're not growing but they're not shrinking either. Because there hasn't been any change despite continued chemotherapy treatments, her doctor decided to switch things up and enrolled her in a clinical trial for a new drug. This new drug is a "smart drug" which is designed to target only cancer cells. As such, it is something like 500 times more potent than regular chemo. It also is supposed to have fewer side effects -- like her hair might grow back in. She is very excited to have been accepted into the study (she's one of five people at that hospital) and should be starting treatment soon. She's been able to have a month or so treatment free while she changes programs, which she really needed. Being on chemo for over a year has been really difficult. She's exhausted and fatigued all the time and lost 20 lbs, purely due to lack of appetite. We're all hoping the new drug will a) be more effective at treating the cancer and b) won't be so hard on her. Fingers crossed!
And fingers crossed that I can soon stop writing "Stupid Cancer" updates!
Wednesday 8 May 2013
Tuesday 7 May 2013
Frustrations
It's been 2 months since I've written. That's a long time but, unfortunately, there's not a whole lot to report on. I've been busy and have completely lost all my creativity and the desire to write. I've been using a lot more of my left brain and my right brain is paying the price.
Last time I wrote, I said thing were good. I suppose in the grand scheme of things they still are. At least in the sense that I'm not depressed. I have the odd bad day and sometimes I cry, but then I get over it and carry on. It's kind of nice to feel like I have somewhat normal emotions and that even the bad ones don't completely overwhelm me -- or at least not for long.
That said, I'm not quite as good as I was the last time I wrote. This is due in large part to being frustrated by almost every aspect of my life at every turn. Things are not going the way I want them to or, at least, they're not going as quickly as I want/need them to.
There are two things vying for top at the list of Completely Frustrating Things, which can be generally summed up as "career" and "relationship". Let's begin alphabetically with "career". As I probably mentioned last time, I have been trying to set up 2 businesses simultaneously. What I have learned is that this doesn't work. I can only focus on one thing at a time. So for a few months, I was busy with the jewellery thing and then I switched my focus to the reiki/energy healing thing. Currently, neither of them are doing anything. I have concluded that I'm really not enough of a salesperson to really do the direct sales thing successfully. I totally enjoy the jewellery and all that goes with it, but I'm not enough of a go-getter to really make it work. As for the reiki business, I've been officially up & running for 4 months and I've yet to have a client (not counting my friend next door). I have been networking like crazy and attending seminars but still nothing. I finally have a website up, which should help some, but I suppose what I really need to do is advertise. I so wish I had a marketing budget! I also wish there was something like a local holistic health magazine in which to advertise. I know that I am learning a lot about running a business and I am definitely learning how to network (still room for improvement there) but it is still so very frustrating to be working all the time and to have nothing to show for it! I have also been applying for part-time jobs but have had no luck finding anything. Apparently I am un-hireable. I have considered consulting with a career/resume coach I met about 6 months ago to see if she can tell me what I'm doing wrong. Of course, I would have to pay her for her expertise and I'm not even sure I *want* a job. On the one hand, I do because it would give me some kind of steady income while I build my business and it would help build my resume for any future work I might want. On the other hand, I really just want my reiki business to do well so I want to spend my time focusing on that. If only I were actually qualified to do massage in Ontario, I could get a job doing that and it might even help build my reiki business at the same time!
The second Completely Frustrating Thing was called "relationship". Mostly what I mean by this is marriage, and the fact that my husband is unwilling to end ours. It's a complicated situation, with me living in Canada and him living in Mexico. I think we get along well enough to go through the process amicably but he doesn't want to cooperate. He also holds all the money and, therefore, pretty much all of the power in our relationship. Also, I *really* want to avoid international legal battles, especially considering I'm trying to do something that should be quite simple. People get divorced all the time -- it's not rocket science. So, while I try to figure out how to do this the simplest and best way, time ticks away and I am still stuck in an emotionally abusive marriage with no hope of getting out anytime soon.
On top of all of this, and perhaps because of it, I have been very homesick for Michigan lately. I miss my office, I miss my school & the apprenticing I did there, I miss having a circle of like-minded people to hang out with. I miss having happy, busy, social kids. I miss their school and all the events and activities that went along with them going there.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing of all is knowing what I want my life to be like -- and not being able to make it so. I know it takes patience and perseverance but I am so tired of living in transition. I am *so* ready to move on to the next phase of my life and I wish it would hurry up & get here.
Last time I wrote, I said thing were good. I suppose in the grand scheme of things they still are. At least in the sense that I'm not depressed. I have the odd bad day and sometimes I cry, but then I get over it and carry on. It's kind of nice to feel like I have somewhat normal emotions and that even the bad ones don't completely overwhelm me -- or at least not for long.
That said, I'm not quite as good as I was the last time I wrote. This is due in large part to being frustrated by almost every aspect of my life at every turn. Things are not going the way I want them to or, at least, they're not going as quickly as I want/need them to.
There are two things vying for top at the list of Completely Frustrating Things, which can be generally summed up as "career" and "relationship". Let's begin alphabetically with "career". As I probably mentioned last time, I have been trying to set up 2 businesses simultaneously. What I have learned is that this doesn't work. I can only focus on one thing at a time. So for a few months, I was busy with the jewellery thing and then I switched my focus to the reiki/energy healing thing. Currently, neither of them are doing anything. I have concluded that I'm really not enough of a salesperson to really do the direct sales thing successfully. I totally enjoy the jewellery and all that goes with it, but I'm not enough of a go-getter to really make it work. As for the reiki business, I've been officially up & running for 4 months and I've yet to have a client (not counting my friend next door). I have been networking like crazy and attending seminars but still nothing. I finally have a website up, which should help some, but I suppose what I really need to do is advertise. I so wish I had a marketing budget! I also wish there was something like a local holistic health magazine in which to advertise. I know that I am learning a lot about running a business and I am definitely learning how to network (still room for improvement there) but it is still so very frustrating to be working all the time and to have nothing to show for it! I have also been applying for part-time jobs but have had no luck finding anything. Apparently I am un-hireable. I have considered consulting with a career/resume coach I met about 6 months ago to see if she can tell me what I'm doing wrong. Of course, I would have to pay her for her expertise and I'm not even sure I *want* a job. On the one hand, I do because it would give me some kind of steady income while I build my business and it would help build my resume for any future work I might want. On the other hand, I really just want my reiki business to do well so I want to spend my time focusing on that. If only I were actually qualified to do massage in Ontario, I could get a job doing that and it might even help build my reiki business at the same time!
The second Completely Frustrating Thing was called "relationship". Mostly what I mean by this is marriage, and the fact that my husband is unwilling to end ours. It's a complicated situation, with me living in Canada and him living in Mexico. I think we get along well enough to go through the process amicably but he doesn't want to cooperate. He also holds all the money and, therefore, pretty much all of the power in our relationship. Also, I *really* want to avoid international legal battles, especially considering I'm trying to do something that should be quite simple. People get divorced all the time -- it's not rocket science. So, while I try to figure out how to do this the simplest and best way, time ticks away and I am still stuck in an emotionally abusive marriage with no hope of getting out anytime soon.
On top of all of this, and perhaps because of it, I have been very homesick for Michigan lately. I miss my office, I miss my school & the apprenticing I did there, I miss having a circle of like-minded people to hang out with. I miss having happy, busy, social kids. I miss their school and all the events and activities that went along with them going there.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing of all is knowing what I want my life to be like -- and not being able to make it so. I know it takes patience and perseverance but I am so tired of living in transition. I am *so* ready to move on to the next phase of my life and I wish it would hurry up & get here.
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