I'm slowly settling into the new house. The unpacking has slowed, but will eventually get finished. I'm getting things set up and organized. Next week the children will start school and real life will begin.
Once the kids are settled at school, I will seriously need to look for a job. I peruse the online ads pretty much every day but there is really very little that a) interests me and b) I'm qualified for. This is very discouraging. I have a 4-year university Bachelor's degree, a university certificate in Teaching English as a Second Language and a year of Massage school under my belt. That's 6 years of post-secondary education. And yet it qualifies me for absolutely nothing in the Job Market. I am a smart woman and I do not want a dead-end, minimum wage job yet it seems that's about all I have a chance of doing. A friend of mine told me that if anyone met me, they'd hire me right away - despite not having the right background. Unfortunately, all anyone gets to see is my resume - not my person. It's highly discouraging.
On the other hand, I had a very encouraging dream right before I woke up this morning. I was in a bank and, to make a long story short, wasn't getting the service I needed. I lost it and yelled at the "customer service" woman behind the desk. Despite being very angry & upset, I managed to speak my mind quite effectively and, oddly enough, the woman got my point, apologized and gave me what I needed. I was quite shaken up by the whole thing, but realized that for some reason, that was what was needed to get what I wanted. It was so strange to watch myself get so angry at a complete stranger, yet somehow liberating at the same time. I think I was somehow showing myself that I really can express myself & my emotions and a) it's not always a bad thing and b) it can be useful.
Otherwise, I've had a pretty social week. The kids were lonely & going stir crazy so once I finally got my car, we headed back to the old neighbourhood for them to visit their friends. We ended up staying long than we'd planned & would have stayed longer, but had to come back & feed the cat. When we got back, it was my turn to be social. Of course, the kids joined me and had other kids to play with - just not necessarily their ages. It's been a busy, social week and it's been awesome! Saw some old friends & made some new ones and because of that (ok, maybe it's the wine, too) - and despite everything else - I am a happy girl tonight :)
Monday 27 August 2012
Monday 20 August 2012
Unpacking
It's been 10 days since we moved into the new house. I've been busy, yet also very isolated: no friends, no internet and no car. Slowly all of that is getting sorted. We finally got internet at home a few days ago and I will get my car this afternoon. Of course, not everything has gone smoothly and I've been very frustrated at times but hopefully soon we'll be through the worst of the moving mess and I can settle into our new life here.
My husband is still a couple of hours away at our old place, tying up loose ends there and getting organized before he moves back to Germany for a few months and then, eventually, to Mexico. Since it's only a short drive away, he's been back and forth every few days to visit (and bring stuff that we couldn't officially pack in the moving shipment). We definitely get along better when we only see each other sporadically.
He's commented that I seem much happier at the new house -- and I am. It's a smaller house and much more manageable than our last house. I'm not intimidated by this one and I think I may actually be able to keep it clean since the thought of it is not so daunting. I also recalled a conversation I once had with my therapist, about how I had never lived on my own in my own house and how there's a different sort of intrinsic motivation that arises when you're living in your own house -- and I think he's right. For the first time in my life, I feel like this house belongs to me (which it does). And so will the car. Until now, everything has always belonged to other people - my parents or my husband or his company - and it's a good feeling to actually have a few things in my name. Almost like I'm a real person.
I'm slowly emptying boxes and making the house feel more like a home. Hopefully we'll have lots of visitors (my sister & nieces were here already) and it won't always be us visiting our old neighbours. I'm hopeful that once we make some friends here and learn our way around and get settled that we'll be quite happy here.
My husband is still a couple of hours away at our old place, tying up loose ends there and getting organized before he moves back to Germany for a few months and then, eventually, to Mexico. Since it's only a short drive away, he's been back and forth every few days to visit (and bring stuff that we couldn't officially pack in the moving shipment). We definitely get along better when we only see each other sporadically.
He's commented that I seem much happier at the new house -- and I am. It's a smaller house and much more manageable than our last house. I'm not intimidated by this one and I think I may actually be able to keep it clean since the thought of it is not so daunting. I also recalled a conversation I once had with my therapist, about how I had never lived on my own in my own house and how there's a different sort of intrinsic motivation that arises when you're living in your own house -- and I think he's right. For the first time in my life, I feel like this house belongs to me (which it does). And so will the car. Until now, everything has always belonged to other people - my parents or my husband or his company - and it's a good feeling to actually have a few things in my name. Almost like I'm a real person.
I'm slowly emptying boxes and making the house feel more like a home. Hopefully we'll have lots of visitors (my sister & nieces were here already) and it won't always be us visiting our old neighbours. I'm hopeful that once we make some friends here and learn our way around and get settled that we'll be quite happy here.
Thursday 9 August 2012
KO
I have no idea what I am supposed to be learning from the Universe. It is obviously trying to teach me something by making everything in my life so fucking difficult and convoluted. Whenever I feel like I've made a step forward, I just get beaten right back down again. I'm tired and I don't want to keep living like this.
Friday 3 August 2012
Packing Up
I'm moving in 3 days. I've been very busy lately trying to get ready and trying to pack. I feel I'm not being nearly as quick or as efficient as I should be and it feels like it's taking forever. Maybe it's because I'm used to watching professionals do it, who are so much faster. But as long as I keep going, I'll get there in the end.
It's all so overwhelming. The amount of work is phenomenal. I never noticed it so much with any of our other moves, but this time it's just ridiculous. Maybe it's because we've been here longer and we're more settled here than we have been anywhere else. In any case, I'm not at all enjoying the process. Nor, am I enjoying the idea of moving. It's very different to be moving when you don't want to. I'm having a very difficult time with that part of it ant I know that if I wasn't medicated, I wouldn't be functioning much at all.
There is so much about this move that frightens me, from not knowing what to expect in the next few months, to not wanting to leave my life & my friends here. I know we'll only be a couple of hours away and I know that I will get through whatever comes my way - somehow. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything happens the way it's supposed to happen and take it from there.
It's all so overwhelming. The amount of work is phenomenal. I never noticed it so much with any of our other moves, but this time it's just ridiculous. Maybe it's because we've been here longer and we're more settled here than we have been anywhere else. In any case, I'm not at all enjoying the process. Nor, am I enjoying the idea of moving. It's very different to be moving when you don't want to. I'm having a very difficult time with that part of it ant I know that if I wasn't medicated, I wouldn't be functioning much at all.
There is so much about this move that frightens me, from not knowing what to expect in the next few months, to not wanting to leave my life & my friends here. I know we'll only be a couple of hours away and I know that I will get through whatever comes my way - somehow. I just have to keep reminding myself that everything happens the way it's supposed to happen and take it from there.
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