D-day. Deadline day. The last day our immigration attorney can start with green card applications and allow us to stay in the country uninterrupted. Given the fact that my husband still doesn't have a local work contract in place, it looks like we've missed the deadline. At this point I have no idea what that means for us and my head is swimming with multiple scenarios. I don't know if this means we've lost all hope of ever getting green cards or if it just means it won't run as smoothly. I don't know if it means that we'll have to leave the country in 3 months. I don't know if leaving the country then will be temporary or permanent. I don't know anything.
I do know that I'm fairly pissed at my husband's company for dragging the whole local contract thing out. They have known for the last year what's going on and certainly for the last six months they've known that there is a critical time component. I guess they're assuming he's desperate and will take whatever crap offer they give him in order to stay here. But he's not that desperate and he's not going to sell himself short. He has saved the company millions of dollars in operating costs over the past few years and he is in a position now to save them even more yet they want to quibble over his very reasonable - and deserved - salary requests. The whole thing is just ridiculous.
And because of that, they are very likely going to uproot an entire family and squash all my hopes and dreams.
At this point I might even be able to live with that if I just knew for certain what to plan for. It's the uncertainty that's killing me right now. When we told a friend the other day what was going on, she wondered how we do it. Well, I don't. I really am not doing it. I'm pretending that I can handle it and I go through each day pretending that things are normal. But they're not normal and I really don't know how to deal with it other than cry. Which doesn't really help but there's not much else I can do.
I got a prescription for antidepressents the other day. I know I said in a previous post that I wasn't going to. I'm still not pleased about going this route, but as I said, something had to change. I'm hoping they'll kick in soon and help me cope with all of this. But maybe that's expecting too much of one little pill.
What I'm really hoping for is a few answers and some certainty about my future, like whether we'll have to leave the country in a few months. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Friday 27 April 2012
Sunday 22 April 2012
WoW!
Last night I played World of Warcraft for the first time in months. I haven't been playing long & I don't play often, but until now, the breaks had been much shorter. The long hiatus was due in part to the fact that the last two times I had played, I had spent the whole time wandering around vainly trying to locate a cave. Forget about trying to kill Ursal the Mauler -- I couldn't even find him! So I stopped trying. Last night, for whatever reason (perhaps due to having watched all 5 seasons of The Guild in a day) I decided to try again. I could have given up on the quest and picked up another one but I'm one of those people who like to finish what they start. So I went looking for Ursal's cave. Again. And found it!
However, to get to Ursal, I first had to get past 20 or so other creatures on the trail to the cave and he had a bodyguard so there were plenty of fights on the way there. They didn't all go well. I probably died about 8 times. By this point I was incredibly frustrated and seriously considered giving up. But I was so close and I was improving, learning new tricks and tactics and opitmizing my spells. So, I decided to give it one last go -- and did it! I killed Ursal and got some pretty good loot as well. I also levelled up and got a great reward for completing the quest (new clothes!). I'd also made quite a bit of cash on the way there and was finally able to learn how to morph into cat form and learn some new spells. As a result of doing one little thing, I got rewarded all around. It was awesome!
I ended up feeling very accomplished and pleased with myself, which is not a feeling I'm very familiar with. I'd already had a fairly productive day (by my standards), having built some Ikea furniture and moved it into my new office space. Oddly enough, I felt better about myself after having completed a WoW quest than I did after having made a more concrete, positive effort in my real life. I'm not really sure what that says about me or my life. It could mean that I should play WoW more often or it could just mean that I should take a step back, relax and try to have some fun a little more often. Maybe I should try to do both.
However, to get to Ursal, I first had to get past 20 or so other creatures on the trail to the cave and he had a bodyguard so there were plenty of fights on the way there. They didn't all go well. I probably died about 8 times. By this point I was incredibly frustrated and seriously considered giving up. But I was so close and I was improving, learning new tricks and tactics and opitmizing my spells. So, I decided to give it one last go -- and did it! I killed Ursal and got some pretty good loot as well. I also levelled up and got a great reward for completing the quest (new clothes!). I'd also made quite a bit of cash on the way there and was finally able to learn how to morph into cat form and learn some new spells. As a result of doing one little thing, I got rewarded all around. It was awesome!
I ended up feeling very accomplished and pleased with myself, which is not a feeling I'm very familiar with. I'd already had a fairly productive day (by my standards), having built some Ikea furniture and moved it into my new office space. Oddly enough, I felt better about myself after having completed a WoW quest than I did after having made a more concrete, positive effort in my real life. I'm not really sure what that says about me or my life. It could mean that I should play WoW more often or it could just mean that I should take a step back, relax and try to have some fun a little more often. Maybe I should try to do both.
Wednesday 18 April 2012
The Way Out
My therapist said that there's a theory that depression is repressed anger or anger turned inwards. In my case, I think that's very close to the truth. There are also other reasons for depression, such as when it comes as a reaction to a situation/loss or when it is caused by learned helplessness. I've got it coming at me from all those angles, which makes it incredibly difficult to surmount. I've not only got to change the way that I think and feel but also the way that I behave.
Some of my depression is due to having lived (and still living) in a depressive environment, in which 'verbal and nonverbal exchanges take place daily ... and stir up in the vulnerable individual a loss of self-esteem, guilt, inexpressible anger and a sense of not being understood' (Flach, 1975). This means that, if I am going to stay and be healthy, those in my environment will also have to change their ways.
I've toyed with the idea of medical antidepressants. I take an herbal one, but I am loathe to take anything prescriptive partly because I don't like taking medicine and partly because the thought of it scares me. I'm scared of starting and never stopping and I'm scared of the drugs dulling my senses. So much of my (new) career is dependent upon my being able to feel and sense energy that even a slight change in how I perceive things could have huge repercussions. Also, while the drugs may help me to function better on some days, they are really only a mask and will do nothing to change the root cause of the depression. If I am placated into feeling better, where will the motivation be to make those changes?
So I will continue to tough it out and try to make small and steady strides forward. It's not easy. It's not easy to overcome a lifetime of burying my emotions and repressing my anger. It's not easy to believe that I am not helpless when so much of what goes on in my life really is beyond my control. It's not easy to regain the self-esteem and self-confidence I had before it was slowly eroded by 14 years of emotional abuse. It's not easy to change those around me and how I react to them after so many years of deeply ingrained responses.
It's not easy but I have to keep trying, because it's the only way out.
Some of my depression is due to having lived (and still living) in a depressive environment, in which 'verbal and nonverbal exchanges take place daily ... and stir up in the vulnerable individual a loss of self-esteem, guilt, inexpressible anger and a sense of not being understood' (Flach, 1975). This means that, if I am going to stay and be healthy, those in my environment will also have to change their ways.
I've toyed with the idea of medical antidepressants. I take an herbal one, but I am loathe to take anything prescriptive partly because I don't like taking medicine and partly because the thought of it scares me. I'm scared of starting and never stopping and I'm scared of the drugs dulling my senses. So much of my (new) career is dependent upon my being able to feel and sense energy that even a slight change in how I perceive things could have huge repercussions. Also, while the drugs may help me to function better on some days, they are really only a mask and will do nothing to change the root cause of the depression. If I am placated into feeling better, where will the motivation be to make those changes?
So I will continue to tough it out and try to make small and steady strides forward. It's not easy. It's not easy to overcome a lifetime of burying my emotions and repressing my anger. It's not easy to believe that I am not helpless when so much of what goes on in my life really is beyond my control. It's not easy to regain the self-esteem and self-confidence I had before it was slowly eroded by 14 years of emotional abuse. It's not easy to change those around me and how I react to them after so many years of deeply ingrained responses.
It's not easy but I have to keep trying, because it's the only way out.
Sunday 15 April 2012
Raison D'Etre
My children are the only things keeping me going. They are the only reason for my existence right now. There's really no point in being here without them. There is nothing to look forward to, no light at the end of the tunnel. Things are getting worse and I don't foresee any improvements. I desperately need a reason to live. Not just to exist but to live - with joy and passion. To not see every day as painful, lonely, meaningless time to be filled. I need a purpose and something to look forward to.
I just want to be happy again. I deserve to be happy. My kids deserve to have a happy mom (like they used to have).
I need this to end.
I just want to be happy again. I deserve to be happy. My kids deserve to have a happy mom (like they used to have).
I need this to end.
Saturday 14 April 2012
My Saviours
Today was a bad day. A very bad day. I spent most of it either sleeping or crying. It wasn't how I'd planned to spend my day but if I've learned anything, it's that you can't plan a breakdown. Which is exactly how I felt: broken. I have no idea how much longer I can go on like this: enduring so much pain, fear and worry every single day. All alone. I do know that today I just couldn't do it. At all.
And then 3:20 pm rolled around and my children came home from school and brought with them reports of their day and tales of what had happened to them and others in the past 8 hours and I was swept away by the recounting of having to miss gym class in order to glaze a clay gryphon, hoping that it will turn out the right colour. And tales of how gullible some boy is. And how Mr. Math Teacher was asking about the homework I found on the kitchen counter. And somehow, I managed to find the strength to unload & reload the dishwasher while listening to these stories. Then suddenly it was time for kung fu lessons so we went and then it was decided that we needed to go to Target straight after class so the children could spend the money they got at Easter. So we went to Target and had dinner overlooking a busy street and the car dealership on the other side, dreaming about whether we should buy a Triumph, a tractor-trailer (so they can build a fort in the trailer), a convertible or a car like Ramon from the movie Cars for our next vehicle. And then we did some shopping and I was coerced into buying the movie We Bought a Zoo because we hadn't seen it yet so I bought it on the condition that we would all have to watch it as soon as we got home. Which we did, but 3/4 of the way through the movie the DVD player died so I had to rig up my laptop to the tv and add some additional speakers so that we could watch the end of it. And then it was nearly midnight so I shuffled the kids off to bed and realized that I had actually smiled and laughed and forgotten about all of my troubles simply because of them.
They are wonderful, magical creatures and I don't know what I would ever do without them.
And then 3:20 pm rolled around and my children came home from school and brought with them reports of their day and tales of what had happened to them and others in the past 8 hours and I was swept away by the recounting of having to miss gym class in order to glaze a clay gryphon, hoping that it will turn out the right colour. And tales of how gullible some boy is. And how Mr. Math Teacher was asking about the homework I found on the kitchen counter. And somehow, I managed to find the strength to unload & reload the dishwasher while listening to these stories. Then suddenly it was time for kung fu lessons so we went and then it was decided that we needed to go to Target straight after class so the children could spend the money they got at Easter. So we went to Target and had dinner overlooking a busy street and the car dealership on the other side, dreaming about whether we should buy a Triumph, a tractor-trailer (so they can build a fort in the trailer), a convertible or a car like Ramon from the movie Cars for our next vehicle. And then we did some shopping and I was coerced into buying the movie We Bought a Zoo because we hadn't seen it yet so I bought it on the condition that we would all have to watch it as soon as we got home. Which we did, but 3/4 of the way through the movie the DVD player died so I had to rig up my laptop to the tv and add some additional speakers so that we could watch the end of it. And then it was nearly midnight so I shuffled the kids off to bed and realized that I had actually smiled and laughed and forgotten about all of my troubles simply because of them.
They are wonderful, magical creatures and I don't know what I would ever do without them.
Thursday 12 April 2012
Fatigue
I am exhausted. There is nothing I would like more than to sleep -- and possibly never wake up. Every ounce of me is just plain tired, right down to my bones.
I've done my fair share of sleeping over the past six months. I find that it's a very successful avoidance technique. When I get overwhelmed and the world becomes too much for me to handle, I sleep. But that need for sleep, the one that comes from depression, feels different.
This is a different sort of need. It's not just my mind that needs it, but my body as well. It's as if all my strength and energy has been drained from me. I'd almost think that I was the subject of some crazy alien experiment except that I think I know what the cause of this is. I think that weeks of unexpressed anger - huge amounts of anger - are consuming me from the inside out.
If I don't soon figure out how to express my anger, constructively or otherwise, it may well kill me.
I've done my fair share of sleeping over the past six months. I find that it's a very successful avoidance technique. When I get overwhelmed and the world becomes too much for me to handle, I sleep. But that need for sleep, the one that comes from depression, feels different.
This is a different sort of need. It's not just my mind that needs it, but my body as well. It's as if all my strength and energy has been drained from me. I'd almost think that I was the subject of some crazy alien experiment except that I think I know what the cause of this is. I think that weeks of unexpressed anger - huge amounts of anger - are consuming me from the inside out.
If I don't soon figure out how to express my anger, constructively or otherwise, it may well kill me.
Reflections
I've been spending a lot of time over the past few days thinking. In particular, I've been looking back on the past 6 months and trying to figure out what, if anything, in my life has changed. I haven't come to any real conclusions yet but for the most part, it's quite depressing. I feel like more should have happened, changed, been accomplished, especially in a positive manner/direction. It's a significant amount of time, I think, to allow for some momentum to build up. (And maybe it has but it's just building so slowly that it will take much longer for me to notice its effect.)
So far, this is my summary of the past half year:
So, really, not much has changed and, in fact, things have actually gotten quite a bit worse in the sense that I now have even more on my plate to deal with. I do what I can but I feel like I'm grasping at straws, clinging to whatever tiny little rays of hope and happiness I can find. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger so I figure if I make it through the next 6 months relatively sane & intact, I'm going to call it a win.
So far, this is my summary of the past half year:
- I'm still trapped in an unhappy marriage, knowing that I can't leave and that I'm afraid to leave. (And as long as I can't leave, there's really no point in deliberating upon whether I should/could.)
- I'm still miles away from being the strong, independent, happy, fulfilled person I want to be.
- I have made some progress on the career front: I am currently moving into my own space & hope to have my own reiki/massage practice up & running full-time by the beginning of May.
- There hasn't been much movement on the green card front. We are quickly running out of time and I am completely terrified that it won't happen and that my whole life will be upended (even more than it already is, if that's possible).
- My ________ has had a recurrence of cancer. She's doing chemo again but I really have no idea what her prognosis is. I think it's much worse than she's letting on.
- My mother is losing her marbles. My sister, my father and I now have to figure out how to get her tested despite the fact that she thinks she's fine.
- My kids are most of the way through a very successful school year. They are doing well, they are happy, healthy and enjoying life to the best of their abilities.
- I am carrying a huge load of emotional baggage (see above) and I have no one to help ease the burden. I miss having good, reliable, reciprocal friends close at hand.
So, really, not much has changed and, in fact, things have actually gotten quite a bit worse in the sense that I now have even more on my plate to deal with. I do what I can but I feel like I'm grasping at straws, clinging to whatever tiny little rays of hope and happiness I can find. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger so I figure if I make it through the next 6 months relatively sane & intact, I'm going to call it a win.
Tuesday 10 April 2012
The Beat
Last night I went to a concert. As I've mentioned before, I've decided I need to add more live music to my life to up the happiness quotient. It seems to be working out.
In the last year, I've been to four concerts, three of which I attended alone. The first concert I went to by myself had me a bit nervous -- I hadn't been to many concerts at all over the past decade or two and I'd never been to a concert in Michigan and I just wasn't sure what to expect. I was self-conscious when the bands weren't playing but easily got lost in the music when the bands were onstage. All in all, it was a good experience.
The next show I went to was at a different venue and, again, I was a bit nervous going in but managed to occupy myself with a beer while I waited for the band. By the time I'd made it down to the floor in front of the stage, I'd relaxed enough to have a bloody fantastic night -- and even made a few friends along the way.
By last night, I was perfectly fine with going on my own, even though I'd never been to this venue either. I made small talk in line outside, waiting for the doors to open (a half-hour late) and actually found that I was relaxed enough to pay attention to the people around me once I was inside. Like the two groupies for the opening band, who gave them a coy wave and smile before they went on and then danced themselves silly right in front of the stage, with every ounce of their beings shouting "Notice me! Fuck me!". Unfortunately for the groupie girls, it was two other not-so-attractive guys who came to dance with them. It was fun to watch, even if it did make me feel SO much older (and wiser).
The main attraction also had groupies. Even the groupies had a groupie. The main groupies were women, two of whom are very into retro pin-up girl fashion. One of the women is a drop dead gorgeous redhead and her friend is a cute brunette. Their groupie is a completely unattractive dweeb and I am convinced he was there only because of the girls (although presumably, at some point, he went to the concert for the music - or was dragged along by a buddy). While these women are probably close to my age, they are still groupies and still push their way right up front and dance with every ounce of their beings shouting "Notice me!", but less of their beings shouting "Fuck me!".
As for my part in all of this, I had the distinct disadvantage of ending up right beside the dweebie groupie groupie guy, who has absolutely no sense of personal space. He's able to guage well enough the space in front of him and leaves plenty, but can't judge how much room he has to his sides or behind him, which is where I was. No matter how I tried to move out of his way, he kept moving sideways and backwards into me until I'd bump him back into his own space. Even after he stepped on my foot (and apologized) and I told him that he kept moving backwards, it made no difference. Maybe he'd just had too many beers to be able to readjust. While it was very annoying & kept distracting me from the show, it's all part of being at a concert -- especially at a small club.
This particular club wins the honours of being the teeny-tiniest concert venue I've ever been to. The band I saw has 6 members and I doubted how they'd all fit on stage. They did, but without much room to spare. In fact, the drummer had a plexiglass wall surrounding him, presumably to prevent his band mates from falling into his drum kit. There wasn't much room to spare in the rest of the place either -- we were packed in pretty tight. But there's nothing like being close to the band and it was certainly easy to do there, no matter where you were in the room. (I'm so looking forward to my next concert there in May. You couldn't ask for a more intimate venue, especially to see a singer-songwriter).
Sadly, I had to leave the concert an hour into the set since it was a late start and I had to get home to let the babysitter go home to sleep. Even so, I got to listen to some new music by the opening band, some old favourites by the headlining band, I got to dance and I had a great time, arriving home tired, sweaty and a wee bit deaf. What more could I ask for?
In the last year, I've been to four concerts, three of which I attended alone. The first concert I went to by myself had me a bit nervous -- I hadn't been to many concerts at all over the past decade or two and I'd never been to a concert in Michigan and I just wasn't sure what to expect. I was self-conscious when the bands weren't playing but easily got lost in the music when the bands were onstage. All in all, it was a good experience.
The next show I went to was at a different venue and, again, I was a bit nervous going in but managed to occupy myself with a beer while I waited for the band. By the time I'd made it down to the floor in front of the stage, I'd relaxed enough to have a bloody fantastic night -- and even made a few friends along the way.
By last night, I was perfectly fine with going on my own, even though I'd never been to this venue either. I made small talk in line outside, waiting for the doors to open (a half-hour late) and actually found that I was relaxed enough to pay attention to the people around me once I was inside. Like the two groupies for the opening band, who gave them a coy wave and smile before they went on and then danced themselves silly right in front of the stage, with every ounce of their beings shouting "Notice me! Fuck me!". Unfortunately for the groupie girls, it was two other not-so-attractive guys who came to dance with them. It was fun to watch, even if it did make me feel SO much older (and wiser).
The main attraction also had groupies. Even the groupies had a groupie. The main groupies were women, two of whom are very into retro pin-up girl fashion. One of the women is a drop dead gorgeous redhead and her friend is a cute brunette. Their groupie is a completely unattractive dweeb and I am convinced he was there only because of the girls (although presumably, at some point, he went to the concert for the music - or was dragged along by a buddy). While these women are probably close to my age, they are still groupies and still push their way right up front and dance with every ounce of their beings shouting "Notice me!", but less of their beings shouting "Fuck me!".
As for my part in all of this, I had the distinct disadvantage of ending up right beside the dweebie groupie groupie guy, who has absolutely no sense of personal space. He's able to guage well enough the space in front of him and leaves plenty, but can't judge how much room he has to his sides or behind him, which is where I was. No matter how I tried to move out of his way, he kept moving sideways and backwards into me until I'd bump him back into his own space. Even after he stepped on my foot (and apologized) and I told him that he kept moving backwards, it made no difference. Maybe he'd just had too many beers to be able to readjust. While it was very annoying & kept distracting me from the show, it's all part of being at a concert -- especially at a small club.
This particular club wins the honours of being the teeny-tiniest concert venue I've ever been to. The band I saw has 6 members and I doubted how they'd all fit on stage. They did, but without much room to spare. In fact, the drummer had a plexiglass wall surrounding him, presumably to prevent his band mates from falling into his drum kit. There wasn't much room to spare in the rest of the place either -- we were packed in pretty tight. But there's nothing like being close to the band and it was certainly easy to do there, no matter where you were in the room. (I'm so looking forward to my next concert there in May. You couldn't ask for a more intimate venue, especially to see a singer-songwriter).
Sadly, I had to leave the concert an hour into the set since it was a late start and I had to get home to let the babysitter go home to sleep. Even so, I got to listen to some new music by the opening band, some old favourites by the headlining band, I got to dance and I had a great time, arriving home tired, sweaty and a wee bit deaf. What more could I ask for?
Monday 2 April 2012
11 More Questions
So, I got tagged in the same meme again but this time by K. Since I played along the first time, I suppose I should play along again. K posed 11 different questions, which are fairly challenging so I'll do my best to answer them.
You are all grown up now and can look back on the days of your youth fondly. What did you like best about your hometown?
I sort of have 2 hometowns, since I lived equal parts of my childhood/youth in each. I liked my hometown in BC because it was a typical small-town: there was a great community/neighbourhood feeling and everyone knew everybody for one reason or another (school, church, air force/navy). Also, it was beautiful - surrounded by mountains and beaches.
I think the only redeeming quality of my hometown in Ontario is that it was an hour away from Toronto.
Time to shake off the rose-coloured glasses. What did you like least?
There was nothing about my hometown in BC that I didn't like. It provided me with the perfect childhood.
The Ontario hometown was ugly and boring. It also lacks a real sense of community.
Where is your favourite place to go now?
Not far from where I live now (in Michigan) is a private college prep school. The buildings are beautiful and the grounds are large and scattered with gardens. You can easily spend a day just wandering the grounds, which I love to do and which I don't do nearly enough. It's a wonderful escape to be there amongst so much beauty.
My other favourite place is Toronto, for many of the same reasons: great architecture, lots to do, awesome food. You can walk around all day and find something to please all of your senses.
Which location makes you cringe at the thought of approaching it?
Bulk Barn. This was a store I worked at (with K) for a few years when I was in University. Although I met two of my best friends while working there, it was such a horrible place that my skin crawls at the thought of the place and I can not go into the store (although going into other locations isn't so bad).
Who would you take with you take with you to #3? Why?
Anyone who would enjoy being there as much as I do! Ideally, I should also be able to converse easily with this person since we'll have no other choice but to spend the day talking, walking & enjoying our surroundings.
I am thinking of a colour. What is it?
Yellow.
Not very good at this are you? How about you just share what your favourite colour is then :)
Green.
Have you ever been in love? How did you really know? How did it make you feel?
I have been in love. A few times. I can't honestly say how I know -- I just do. There's a shift and I start thinking differently about him. Or maybe it's the 'butterflies in the stomach' that I get when I see him. It's hard to identify but suffice to say that it feels really good. So good, in fact, that I want to be with that person all. the. time. It also makes me feel like I am a worthy human being -- but maybe that's part of the other person being in love with me...
You are sitting fireside around a campfire singalong. What song do you request and/or play?
I'm always more that happy to just listen to the music. I don't often know the words to typical campfire songs so can't usually sing along even if I want to.
Dare I ask about a bucket list? Whether you have one or not, what secret dream have you always held onto & do you think you will ever make it happen?
You may ask... but I've never come up with an official bucket list. There is a list of places I would like to travel to: Eastern Canada, Mexico, Scotland, Hawaii. I would like to go back to Indonesia and Japan, too. I'm sure I could make at least some of it happen, but given all the places I've already been to, I honestly won't be too distraught if I don't ever get there.
As for the secret dream: if I told you what it was, then it wouldn't be secret anymore... ;)
You are all grown up now and can look back on the days of your youth fondly. What did you like best about your hometown?
I sort of have 2 hometowns, since I lived equal parts of my childhood/youth in each. I liked my hometown in BC because it was a typical small-town: there was a great community/neighbourhood feeling and everyone knew everybody for one reason or another (school, church, air force/navy). Also, it was beautiful - surrounded by mountains and beaches.
I think the only redeeming quality of my hometown in Ontario is that it was an hour away from Toronto.
Time to shake off the rose-coloured glasses. What did you like least?
There was nothing about my hometown in BC that I didn't like. It provided me with the perfect childhood.
The Ontario hometown was ugly and boring. It also lacks a real sense of community.
Where is your favourite place to go now?
Not far from where I live now (in Michigan) is a private college prep school. The buildings are beautiful and the grounds are large and scattered with gardens. You can easily spend a day just wandering the grounds, which I love to do and which I don't do nearly enough. It's a wonderful escape to be there amongst so much beauty.
My other favourite place is Toronto, for many of the same reasons: great architecture, lots to do, awesome food. You can walk around all day and find something to please all of your senses.
Which location makes you cringe at the thought of approaching it?
Bulk Barn. This was a store I worked at (with K) for a few years when I was in University. Although I met two of my best friends while working there, it was such a horrible place that my skin crawls at the thought of the place and I can not go into the store (although going into other locations isn't so bad).
Who would you take with you take with you to #3? Why?
Anyone who would enjoy being there as much as I do! Ideally, I should also be able to converse easily with this person since we'll have no other choice but to spend the day talking, walking & enjoying our surroundings.
I am thinking of a colour. What is it?
Yellow.
Not very good at this are you? How about you just share what your favourite colour is then :)
Green.
Have you ever been in love? How did you really know? How did it make you feel?
I have been in love. A few times. I can't honestly say how I know -- I just do. There's a shift and I start thinking differently about him. Or maybe it's the 'butterflies in the stomach' that I get when I see him. It's hard to identify but suffice to say that it feels really good. So good, in fact, that I want to be with that person all. the. time. It also makes me feel like I am a worthy human being -- but maybe that's part of the other person being in love with me...
You are sitting fireside around a campfire singalong. What song do you request and/or play?
I'm always more that happy to just listen to the music. I don't often know the words to typical campfire songs so can't usually sing along even if I want to.
Dare I ask about a bucket list? Whether you have one or not, what secret dream have you always held onto & do you think you will ever make it happen?
You may ask... but I've never come up with an official bucket list. There is a list of places I would like to travel to: Eastern Canada, Mexico, Scotland, Hawaii. I would like to go back to Indonesia and Japan, too. I'm sure I could make at least some of it happen, but given all the places I've already been to, I honestly won't be too distraught if I don't ever get there.
As for the secret dream: if I told you what it was, then it wouldn't be secret anymore... ;)
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