...a day makes. On Tuesday morning I was feeling completely overwhelmed by everything that Life is currently throwing my way and by Wednesday afternoon I was feeling much, much lighter. Nothing had changed but I got a break from thinking about it all for a while.
On Tuesday I was an emotional mess and cried off an on for an hour before making my way to school to help teach a reiki class. It took me a while to compose myself even after I got there but luckily, the friend whom I was helping pulled me aside and did a couple of quick attunements, which felt really nice and I was able to focus on the class afterwards. By the time I'd finished attuning the students, I was feeling better and after giving a full reiki session to a student (and friend of mine, who has some serious health issues), I was much more centred and grounded.
While that was all beneficial, yesterday was really the day that helped the most. I got a little 6-hour vacation in the form of "chaperoning" a full-day field trip with my son and the rest of the 6th graders. We started at a Spanish-immersion school where we helped 3rd graders make yarn dolls. Then we headed over to Mexican Town where we checked out a mural, visited a bakery (churros!), poked around in a gift shop (my son bought a sombrero and I found some nice earrings and an awesome chunk of amethyst) and finally had an "authentic" mexican lunch (which really wasn't all that great). Then we were whisked off to the DIA (Detroit Institute of Arts) where we had about 30 minutes to see whatever we could. We managed to see some suits of armour and swords, a few paintings and a huge mural by Diego Rivera before we had to get back to the bus to return to school. The whole day was interesting and I got to discover new places and see new things -- without having to plan any of it. The worst part was trying to keep track of our group of 11 boys all day (even with the help of 2 other parents, we were all constantly counting kids) and keep them a safe distance from the artwork. Best of all (and I'm sure my therapist would agree with me) is that I got to be social. All in all, it was a pretty fantastic day.
Which is just what I needed.
Thursday 31 May 2012
Tuesday 29 May 2012
A Long Weekend
It's been a very long weekend. We got an extra day for Memorial Day, but it seems like last week was more than just 3 days ago...
Saturday I slept a lot, which was good since I hadn't been sleeping well for the week or so prior. I slept in then my family went to the fair that rolls through town every Memorial Day weekend. The kids look forward to it and I love the fair, too. It was a bit rainy when we got there, but it cleared up soon afterwards so we got a nice cool day and no lines for the rides so it worked out really well. I went on most of the rides with the kids but after a couple of hours, I began to feel a little nauseous so watched as the kids got their fill of the rides (which made me feel old). I had a nap when we got home and felt better when I got up but still went to bed early.
Sunday was a relaxing day. My biggest accomplishment was taking my son to see the movie "Battleship", which was pretty awesome and very appropriate for Memorial Day weekend. Sunday night I talked to my sister, and found out she's been to the ER twice in the past week -- for different things.
Yesterday, we went to Canada for the day to check out prospective schools and neighbourhoods. We had a productive day and although it was a long, hot day, we felt good about what we'd seen and, amazingly, both children agreed on which school they liked best. (Now the challenge is to find a house close to that school.) We also met some friends for dinner. We eventually came home - later than anticipated - and I got a text from my sister saying that she's scheduled for surgery next week.
Now let me sum up what is going through my head: my father is having surgery on Monday next week, my sister is having surgery on Wednesday next week, I am turning 40 in 12 days, the reality of moving is beginning to sink in accompanied by all the fears and what-if's. Not to mention that I'm moving to a different country with my children while their father moves to another continent altogether. In the meantime, the kids are finishing up their school years with field trips and festivities, I am still volunteering and working (sporadically) and somehow through all of this I am supposed to stay sane. Thank God I'm medicated.
Saturday I slept a lot, which was good since I hadn't been sleeping well for the week or so prior. I slept in then my family went to the fair that rolls through town every Memorial Day weekend. The kids look forward to it and I love the fair, too. It was a bit rainy when we got there, but it cleared up soon afterwards so we got a nice cool day and no lines for the rides so it worked out really well. I went on most of the rides with the kids but after a couple of hours, I began to feel a little nauseous so watched as the kids got their fill of the rides (which made me feel old). I had a nap when we got home and felt better when I got up but still went to bed early.
Sunday was a relaxing day. My biggest accomplishment was taking my son to see the movie "Battleship", which was pretty awesome and very appropriate for Memorial Day weekend. Sunday night I talked to my sister, and found out she's been to the ER twice in the past week -- for different things.
Yesterday, we went to Canada for the day to check out prospective schools and neighbourhoods. We had a productive day and although it was a long, hot day, we felt good about what we'd seen and, amazingly, both children agreed on which school they liked best. (Now the challenge is to find a house close to that school.) We also met some friends for dinner. We eventually came home - later than anticipated - and I got a text from my sister saying that she's scheduled for surgery next week.
Now let me sum up what is going through my head: my father is having surgery on Monday next week, my sister is having surgery on Wednesday next week, I am turning 40 in 12 days, the reality of moving is beginning to sink in accompanied by all the fears and what-if's. Not to mention that I'm moving to a different country with my children while their father moves to another continent altogether. In the meantime, the kids are finishing up their school years with field trips and festivities, I am still volunteering and working (sporadically) and somehow through all of this I am supposed to stay sane. Thank God I'm medicated.
Thursday 24 May 2012
Prologue
I have an astrologer friend who is constantly reminding me that all the huge changes I've been going through are normal and should be expected at both this time in my life and this particular juncture of the cosmos. There's some crazy shit going on, as he would say. He has also said that my life up until now has been that of a caterpillar and that one day I will be a butterfly and I will be amazed at the world and all that it has to offer me.
My therapist pointed out today that I am facing some major changes, but that they are not necessarily negative. In the end, they will lead to good.
Obviously, I have been going through major changes and shifts in consciousness for the past couple of years. It has all been building and leading me to a better place -- a better me. I have been learning, watching, observing, testing, trying and discovering. I am the caterpillar who is feeding and preparing for a huge metamorphosis.
Many of the people I've met in the past couple of years have played a significant part in steering me and guiding me towards this change. They have influenced me in ways large and small, but always important. Some people have been more influential than others. Although I am sad to be moving away from these incredible friends and mentors, I will not be so far away that I can not continue to have a close and meaningful relationship with them.
I am sad to see this part of my life coming to an end. It's been both good and horribly challenging. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs but I know that it's all part of the journey. I like to think of the last couple of years as not just a chapter but the prologue: we've been introduced to the characters and the history and soon it will be time for the real story to begin.
My therapist pointed out today that I am facing some major changes, but that they are not necessarily negative. In the end, they will lead to good.
Obviously, I have been going through major changes and shifts in consciousness for the past couple of years. It has all been building and leading me to a better place -- a better me. I have been learning, watching, observing, testing, trying and discovering. I am the caterpillar who is feeding and preparing for a huge metamorphosis.
Many of the people I've met in the past couple of years have played a significant part in steering me and guiding me towards this change. They have influenced me in ways large and small, but always important. Some people have been more influential than others. Although I am sad to be moving away from these incredible friends and mentors, I will not be so far away that I can not continue to have a close and meaningful relationship with them.
I am sad to see this part of my life coming to an end. It's been both good and horribly challenging. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs but I know that it's all part of the journey. I like to think of the last couple of years as not just a chapter but the prologue: we've been introduced to the characters and the history and soon it will be time for the real story to begin.
Wednesday 23 May 2012
Assumptions and Expectations
I know it's my fault for making assumptions and for creating expectations based on those assumptions. I know I shouldn't get upset when it seems like those expectations won't get met. But I do. What else have I got? Everything is so uncertain that I grasp at whatever seems most likely and try to create a viable future out of it. It shouldn't come as a surprise when things falter but when they do, it unsettles me all over again. Things are happening quickly, my life is about to change dramatically and I desperately need to know - for certain - what to prepare for.
Tuesday 22 May 2012
Here We Go...
Now that we know for sure that we're moving, we have started telling people. So far, I haven't told that many and those I have talked to already knew either because they'd heard it from the children or because they've been privy to the daily ups and downs of our immigration status. Either way it hasn't come as a surprise and while the news of us moving hasn't pleased them, it hasn't surprised them either.
Yesterday, I told our kids' kung fu teacher that we will be moving this summer. During my initial conversation with the teacher, I could feel the tears starting but I was able to continue the conversation and I got through it fairly intact. Then, when I thought we were done, he pulled his wife aside (also a teacher) and told her. Hearing Mr. tell Mrs. that we are moving and how sad he is to be losing one of his favourite students (even though they're not supposed to have favourites), how much they like our family and having her reiterate how sad they are that we are leaving, put me right over the edge. I turned into a mess of tears and could barely manage to string together a coherent sentence, although I did manage to squeak out that they have been one of the best parts of living here.
And truly, they have. They have done incredible things for our son, not just by teaching him kung fu but by instilling a quiet confidence in him. He has struggled with situational mutism (a social anxiety disorder, also called selective mutism) since he was five and these people have managed to get our son to do so many things he wouldn't ordinarily do: lead a group of kids, demonstrate a move in front of a group, get his picture taken. They have done so much for him without even knowing it (and yes, I do plan to write them a nice, long email telling them). Our daughter has also benefited from the time she was there, discovering an inner power she didn't know she had.
Until yesterday, I'd managed to talk about moving without crying. I don't think that will be the last conversation that brings me to tears.
Yesterday, I told our kids' kung fu teacher that we will be moving this summer. During my initial conversation with the teacher, I could feel the tears starting but I was able to continue the conversation and I got through it fairly intact. Then, when I thought we were done, he pulled his wife aside (also a teacher) and told her. Hearing Mr. tell Mrs. that we are moving and how sad he is to be losing one of his favourite students (even though they're not supposed to have favourites), how much they like our family and having her reiterate how sad they are that we are leaving, put me right over the edge. I turned into a mess of tears and could barely manage to string together a coherent sentence, although I did manage to squeak out that they have been one of the best parts of living here.
And truly, they have. They have done incredible things for our son, not just by teaching him kung fu but by instilling a quiet confidence in him. He has struggled with situational mutism (a social anxiety disorder, also called selective mutism) since he was five and these people have managed to get our son to do so many things he wouldn't ordinarily do: lead a group of kids, demonstrate a move in front of a group, get his picture taken. They have done so much for him without even knowing it (and yes, I do plan to write them a nice, long email telling them). Our daughter has also benefited from the time she was there, discovering an inner power she didn't know she had.
Until yesterday, I'd managed to talk about moving without crying. I don't think that will be the last conversation that brings me to tears.
Monday 21 May 2012
Big News
Last week we got big news. Actually, I got more big news than I wanted. Not only did I learn that my father has cancer (again) but on that same day I learned that we have to move. It seems we have outstayed our welcome in this lovely country we have come to call home and we are not allowed to stay any longer.
We were hoping to get green cards which would have allowed us to stay here indefinitely. My husband's company wanted him to stay and tried very hard to make it happen. Unfortunately, as often occurs when dealing with a large, international company, the responsibilities got passed off to various people at the national level, who ended up dropping the ball and essentially screwing us over. So despite everyone here really wanting us to stay, we may not.
Our current visas expire on July 27, so we have to make sure we can leave the country by then. We can come back after as visitors but we can't live or work here again -- at least not for another year or more. By US laws, my husband can apply to work here again after a year spent abroad. By the rules of his company, he can return to the US again as an expat after 2 years abroad. So, we may be back but only time will tell.
In the meantime, we have been trying to process the news and make decisions for our futures that will make all of us happy. What that looks like is that my husband will go to work in Brazil for a couple of years while the children and I move to Canada.
In the midst of trying to work out details to stay in the US, my husband was offered a job in Brazil -- sort of a Plan B if the US didn't work out. He'll still be with the same company, just at another location. My husband's dream is to live and work on all the continents (possibly excluding Antarctica, although he'd love to visit). So far, he's managed the northern hemisphere, having worked in Europe, Asia and North America. So the Brazil job is not only a great job opportunity but goes hand-in-hand toward making his lifelong dream a reality. They are still working out the details of the job in Brazil, but we assume that it will happen.
While my husband's dream is to live all over the world, and while I have followed him across 3 continents (giving birth to children on 2 of them), I am no longer willing to give up everything to do that. We had some great adventures, but moving to new countries every few years has prevented me from ever investing in myself. As it is, I have to give up my newly established practice and I won't be able to work as a massage therapist in Canada. Beyond that, I don't want to leave my ill family and the much-needed support of my friends to follow a man I barely have a relationship with to the far reaches of the world. In Canada, I will have the support of friends and family and, as a Canadian, I will be able to work and establish a life for myself that I won't ever have to give up -- unless I so choose. That said, I would never ask my husband to give up his dream so the only logical conclusion is to each of us go where we want to be.
We have discussed this with the children, who both decided they did not want to move to Brazil. They will happily visit, but they do not want to live there. Obviously, they would rather not move at all but knowing they have to move, they think Canada will be pretty good. They both hold Canadian passports but have never lived in the country so we are all looking forward to them building a relationship with at least one country and its people to which they belong. They are excited about being that much closer to their cousins, grandparents and other close friends, while also maintaining an easy distance to their friends here in Michigan. Obviously, they don't like the idea of living so far from their father but with current technology, they can Skype every day and we plan to have plenty of visits.
So, in a nutshell, my life has been upended. I can't say it surprises me. It always felt that I was hoping against hope that it would all work out and we would be able to stay. Even though we all would have preferred to stay, I feel there is a different energy to this -- that we are no longer fighting a losing battle. I am still not at all looking forward to moving but I think, in the end, it will be ok. I really hope it will...
We were hoping to get green cards which would have allowed us to stay here indefinitely. My husband's company wanted him to stay and tried very hard to make it happen. Unfortunately, as often occurs when dealing with a large, international company, the responsibilities got passed off to various people at the national level, who ended up dropping the ball and essentially screwing us over. So despite everyone here really wanting us to stay, we may not.
Our current visas expire on July 27, so we have to make sure we can leave the country by then. We can come back after as visitors but we can't live or work here again -- at least not for another year or more. By US laws, my husband can apply to work here again after a year spent abroad. By the rules of his company, he can return to the US again as an expat after 2 years abroad. So, we may be back but only time will tell.
In the meantime, we have been trying to process the news and make decisions for our futures that will make all of us happy. What that looks like is that my husband will go to work in Brazil for a couple of years while the children and I move to Canada.
In the midst of trying to work out details to stay in the US, my husband was offered a job in Brazil -- sort of a Plan B if the US didn't work out. He'll still be with the same company, just at another location. My husband's dream is to live and work on all the continents (possibly excluding Antarctica, although he'd love to visit). So far, he's managed the northern hemisphere, having worked in Europe, Asia and North America. So the Brazil job is not only a great job opportunity but goes hand-in-hand toward making his lifelong dream a reality. They are still working out the details of the job in Brazil, but we assume that it will happen.
While my husband's dream is to live all over the world, and while I have followed him across 3 continents (giving birth to children on 2 of them), I am no longer willing to give up everything to do that. We had some great adventures, but moving to new countries every few years has prevented me from ever investing in myself. As it is, I have to give up my newly established practice and I won't be able to work as a massage therapist in Canada. Beyond that, I don't want to leave my ill family and the much-needed support of my friends to follow a man I barely have a relationship with to the far reaches of the world. In Canada, I will have the support of friends and family and, as a Canadian, I will be able to work and establish a life for myself that I won't ever have to give up -- unless I so choose. That said, I would never ask my husband to give up his dream so the only logical conclusion is to each of us go where we want to be.
We have discussed this with the children, who both decided they did not want to move to Brazil. They will happily visit, but they do not want to live there. Obviously, they would rather not move at all but knowing they have to move, they think Canada will be pretty good. They both hold Canadian passports but have never lived in the country so we are all looking forward to them building a relationship with at least one country and its people to which they belong. They are excited about being that much closer to their cousins, grandparents and other close friends, while also maintaining an easy distance to their friends here in Michigan. Obviously, they don't like the idea of living so far from their father but with current technology, they can Skype every day and we plan to have plenty of visits.
So, in a nutshell, my life has been upended. I can't say it surprises me. It always felt that I was hoping against hope that it would all work out and we would be able to stay. Even though we all would have preferred to stay, I feel there is a different energy to this -- that we are no longer fighting a losing battle. I am still not at all looking forward to moving but I think, in the end, it will be ok. I really hope it will...
Wednesday 16 May 2012
Stupid Cancer (Part 3)
It wasn't bad enough that this disease stole my best friend's husband from us when he was still in his early 30's or that it just stole another good friend's mother before she reached her 60th birthday. It's not enough that it's threatening another very dear person from me not much past her 40th birthday. Now it's got its vile claws in my Dad. Granted, the man is in his 70's but as far as we're concerned, it's far too soon for him to go anywhere. I'm not sure what his prognosis is, and I probably won't know much more until after his surgery in a couple of weeks, but I do know that I hate this stupid disease!
Monday 14 May 2012
Decisions, Decisions
Sometimes being a grown-up sucks. Like now, for example. How am I supposed to make a good decision when none of my choices are ideal? There's not a single option that really makes sense. Some choices would be easier than others, but that doesn't necessarily make them the better ones. Easy now doesn't always mean easy - or better - later. So I'm weighing the pros and cons of today with the pros and cons of the future and ending up at conclusions I never thought I'd be making -- which confuses the hell out of me. Is this really what I want? Is this really what's best?
My son was reading a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book tonight. He even managed to find an ending he hadn't read before. It would be so nice if life were like one of those books: you make choices and follow along with the story but if you don't like how it ends, you start over and make different choices. Sometimes you end up at the same place but sometimes you end up somewhere new. And you get to keep trying and keep making different choices as many times as you want (although there are only 42 possible endings in the book). But life isn't like that. Sure, you get you choose your own adventures but only once. There aren't any do-overs if you don't like the ending.
I guess the best I can do is try to make the best choices I can and try to steer myself toward my ending of choice. I just hope that I really am making the right decisions and that my story has a happy ending.
My son was reading a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book tonight. He even managed to find an ending he hadn't read before. It would be so nice if life were like one of those books: you make choices and follow along with the story but if you don't like how it ends, you start over and make different choices. Sometimes you end up at the same place but sometimes you end up somewhere new. And you get to keep trying and keep making different choices as many times as you want (although there are only 42 possible endings in the book). But life isn't like that. Sure, you get you choose your own adventures but only once. There aren't any do-overs if you don't like the ending.
I guess the best I can do is try to make the best choices I can and try to steer myself toward my ending of choice. I just hope that I really am making the right decisions and that my story has a happy ending.
Friday 11 May 2012
Pause Please
I am a mess again. Frazzled. I need to find a "pause" button. Or at the very least a "slow-motion" button. Things are moving too quickly and not in a direction I had hoped them to go in. Major decisions are being made about the lives and futures of myself and my family, yet I feel I'm not really a part of it. My attempts at discussion were discarded and now I have no idea what is going on. I guess I'll find out one way or another soon enough.
And then, I think, I really will need to press "pause"...
And then, I think, I really will need to press "pause"...
Tuesday 8 May 2012
Success Story
I am a very happy girl right now. Hard to believe, I know, but true. Funny how success does that...
Some might say it's a bit premature to call my business venture a success so soon, but I don't think so. Every success, no matter how small, is worthy of being deemed as such. For me, that means that I count every person I help as a success for both me and my business.
Today I had my first real client. I say "real" because he was a) someone I didn't know and b) he paid me. He came to me from one of the other therapists I share my office with and, although he knew very little about reiki, he wanted to give it a try. He'd had a stubborn pain in his hip/lower back that radiated down to his knee. He'd had this pain for some time and had tried many other therapies but without success. He was skeptical about reiki but was open to trying anything that might help. We had a one-hour session -- and he walked out pain-free! I had also put him to sleep on my table, so he was very relaxed when he left.
But, wait, there's more! He was so pleased with what I'd done that he booked another appointment to come back next week! I am SO happy!
I'm ecstatic because I was able to help someone feel better. It's a great feeling and the reason why I do what I do.
It's also pretty cool when those people pay me and want to come back for more.
So, no, one client isn't going to make me a successful business owner, but it will help that client lead a better life. Hopefully he'll recommend me and help make my business a success, which ultimately means I'll get to help a lot of people and we'll all be happy.
Some might say it's a bit premature to call my business venture a success so soon, but I don't think so. Every success, no matter how small, is worthy of being deemed as such. For me, that means that I count every person I help as a success for both me and my business.
Today I had my first real client. I say "real" because he was a) someone I didn't know and b) he paid me. He came to me from one of the other therapists I share my office with and, although he knew very little about reiki, he wanted to give it a try. He'd had a stubborn pain in his hip/lower back that radiated down to his knee. He'd had this pain for some time and had tried many other therapies but without success. He was skeptical about reiki but was open to trying anything that might help. We had a one-hour session -- and he walked out pain-free! I had also put him to sleep on my table, so he was very relaxed when he left.
But, wait, there's more! He was so pleased with what I'd done that he booked another appointment to come back next week! I am SO happy!
I'm ecstatic because I was able to help someone feel better. It's a great feeling and the reason why I do what I do.
It's also pretty cool when those people pay me and want to come back for more.
So, no, one client isn't going to make me a successful business owner, but it will help that client lead a better life. Hopefully he'll recommend me and help make my business a success, which ultimately means I'll get to help a lot of people and we'll all be happy.
Friday 4 May 2012
Melodic Musings
Last night I went to another concert. It was a completely different experience than the last one, despite being at the same venue. The last concert was loud and boisterous. This one was quiet and calm but still enjoyable.
It would have been even more enjoyable had I worn different shoes. What seemed like a good idea when I left the house didn't stay that way after standing for 3 hours. While I did appreciate the height advantage the 4-inch heels afforded me, I did not welcome the pain. It was so distracting that I eventually ended up taking the shoes off and watching the end of the concert barefoot so I could pay attention to the music.
Which was lovely. Both the opener and the headliner were guitar-playing singer-songwriters, with very pure, melodic voices.
The crowd, as always, was interesting and very diverse. The concert-goers ranged in age from about 4 to 64, although most of them were college-aged. Also, a good portion of the audience was Asian (I'm guessing because the headlining singer is part Asian...). There were a ton of happy couples and at one point I found myself surrounded by them: one couple to my left with their arms around each other who couldn't stop kissing, another affectionate lesbian couple to my right and a couple comprising a very short deaf woman and a fairly large, tall not-deaf man behind me. In fact, everywhere I looked there were cozy couples, which emphasized the fact that I was there alone. I was hoping to bump into someone I knew - it happened at the last concert, so not completely unrealistic - but sadly, no such luck.
It was an enjoyable night nonetheless. It's always good to get out and always good to hear live music. I have no concrete plans at the moment but there is one concert in particular that I'm considering going to at the end of June. It's a raucous punk band and they're playing a small club so it should be a fun show. In any case, I am enjoying my rediscovery of the concert scene and I am very grateful for the opportunity to do more of it.
It would have been even more enjoyable had I worn different shoes. What seemed like a good idea when I left the house didn't stay that way after standing for 3 hours. While I did appreciate the height advantage the 4-inch heels afforded me, I did not welcome the pain. It was so distracting that I eventually ended up taking the shoes off and watching the end of the concert barefoot so I could pay attention to the music.
Which was lovely. Both the opener and the headliner were guitar-playing singer-songwriters, with very pure, melodic voices.
The crowd, as always, was interesting and very diverse. The concert-goers ranged in age from about 4 to 64, although most of them were college-aged. Also, a good portion of the audience was Asian (I'm guessing because the headlining singer is part Asian...). There were a ton of happy couples and at one point I found myself surrounded by them: one couple to my left with their arms around each other who couldn't stop kissing, another affectionate lesbian couple to my right and a couple comprising a very short deaf woman and a fairly large, tall not-deaf man behind me. In fact, everywhere I looked there were cozy couples, which emphasized the fact that I was there alone. I was hoping to bump into someone I knew - it happened at the last concert, so not completely unrealistic - but sadly, no such luck.
It was an enjoyable night nonetheless. It's always good to get out and always good to hear live music. I have no concrete plans at the moment but there is one concert in particular that I'm considering going to at the end of June. It's a raucous punk band and they're playing a small club so it should be a fun show. In any case, I am enjoying my rediscovery of the concert scene and I am very grateful for the opportunity to do more of it.
Wednesday 2 May 2012
Unwinding
I had an unusual experience today. I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring vapidly into my closet, trying to decide what to wear, when I noticed that my torso was moving - of its own accord - in small counterclockwise circles. The movement was not something I was controlling but it was strangely comforting so I decided to go with it. I circled for a good 2 or 3 minutes and then stopped, just as suddenly as I had begun.
The experience immediately made me think of a technique we learned in massage school called unwinding. This was not at all the same form of physical unwinding that we learned but it felt to me like a form of energetic unwinding. I wasn't really sure what it was that I had experienced, but I knew it was something good.
I immediately felt a shift and I've noticed an improvement in both my mood and my energy level throughout the day. I have been fairly seriously depressed for the last few weeks and have been having a hard time coming out of it. Right now, I can honestly say I haven't felt this good in weeks -- perhaps months. I can't possibly explain how much brighter and more energetic I feel. It's as if someone plugged me in this morning and I've been recharging all day, slowly gaining energy and the ability to function normally.
I am looking forward to tomorrow, not just because it promises to be busy with volunteering at school during the day and going to a concert tomorrow night, but because I feel like I might actually be part of the action. I might even enjoy what I'm doing, rather than just going through the motions.
Needless to say, I am beyond thrilled with this unexpected upward turn in my well-being. I can only hope that it stays like this for a while...
The experience immediately made me think of a technique we learned in massage school called unwinding. This was not at all the same form of physical unwinding that we learned but it felt to me like a form of energetic unwinding. I wasn't really sure what it was that I had experienced, but I knew it was something good.
I immediately felt a shift and I've noticed an improvement in both my mood and my energy level throughout the day. I have been fairly seriously depressed for the last few weeks and have been having a hard time coming out of it. Right now, I can honestly say I haven't felt this good in weeks -- perhaps months. I can't possibly explain how much brighter and more energetic I feel. It's as if someone plugged me in this morning and I've been recharging all day, slowly gaining energy and the ability to function normally.
I am looking forward to tomorrow, not just because it promises to be busy with volunteering at school during the day and going to a concert tomorrow night, but because I feel like I might actually be part of the action. I might even enjoy what I'm doing, rather than just going through the motions.
Needless to say, I am beyond thrilled with this unexpected upward turn in my well-being. I can only hope that it stays like this for a while...
Tuesday 1 May 2012
Sad Day
In the last 24 hours I've learned about the deaths of two very loving women and it saddens me that their lights have gone out. Both were ill, so it was not a huge shock, but it is still hard to comprehend how life will carry on without them, especially for their families.
Last night we found out that our friend and realtor, A, died. We're not sure when but presumably a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, we were left out of the loop when she passed and were unable to attend funeral services. It was only because my husband was worried that he'd been unable to reach her for so long that he finally called a colleague of hers and heard the news. This lady was the first person we met when we moved to Michigan. She was not only our realtor, but took us all under her wing and made sure we settled in well. She became "Grammalene" to our children and came to their birthday parties. She fed our cat when we went on holiday. She came over for dinner. All of this became less frequent as her health declined but as my husband also had a continuous business relationship with her, they remained close. She was a kind and generous woman with a weak spot for stray cats who always did what she could to help others.
This morning I learned that the mother of one of my oldest friends passed away last night after a battle with ovarian cancer. I've known this lady over half of my life, since J & I met in grade 9. Although he & I don't talk often, I still consider him one of my dearest friends. His mom was always warm and loving. She always had a huge smile and a hug for anyone who walked in the door. I didn't spend much time at their house, but I always felt like family when I was there and she was always happy to see me, even if I stopped by unannounced (as I often did). She loved her kids more than anything and doted on her grandsons. She'd been through a lot over the years and it finally seemed like she'd come out on top. I knew about her cancer diagnosis but I didn't know how sick she had become. Stupid cancer. Always taking those we love from us far too soon.
Today I am sad. I wish things like this didn't happen and I wish I lived closer to my friends so that I could be there for them. I know there's nothing I can do to change what happened but I also know that a hug and a little bit of love can go a long way. For now, though, I'll have to be content with sending good loving thoughts from afar.
If you wouldn't mind, could you send a few good thoughts my way, too?
Last night we found out that our friend and realtor, A, died. We're not sure when but presumably a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, we were left out of the loop when she passed and were unable to attend funeral services. It was only because my husband was worried that he'd been unable to reach her for so long that he finally called a colleague of hers and heard the news. This lady was the first person we met when we moved to Michigan. She was not only our realtor, but took us all under her wing and made sure we settled in well. She became "Grammalene" to our children and came to their birthday parties. She fed our cat when we went on holiday. She came over for dinner. All of this became less frequent as her health declined but as my husband also had a continuous business relationship with her, they remained close. She was a kind and generous woman with a weak spot for stray cats who always did what she could to help others.
This morning I learned that the mother of one of my oldest friends passed away last night after a battle with ovarian cancer. I've known this lady over half of my life, since J & I met in grade 9. Although he & I don't talk often, I still consider him one of my dearest friends. His mom was always warm and loving. She always had a huge smile and a hug for anyone who walked in the door. I didn't spend much time at their house, but I always felt like family when I was there and she was always happy to see me, even if I stopped by unannounced (as I often did). She loved her kids more than anything and doted on her grandsons. She'd been through a lot over the years and it finally seemed like she'd come out on top. I knew about her cancer diagnosis but I didn't know how sick she had become. Stupid cancer. Always taking those we love from us far too soon.
Today I am sad. I wish things like this didn't happen and I wish I lived closer to my friends so that I could be there for them. I know there's nothing I can do to change what happened but I also know that a hug and a little bit of love can go a long way. For now, though, I'll have to be content with sending good loving thoughts from afar.
If you wouldn't mind, could you send a few good thoughts my way, too?
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