Changes

As expected, last week sucked. As a result, I am emotionally drained and completely exhausted. I am starting to feel less so now that it's Wednesday, but it's been a slow recovery.

Last week, as I mentioned, my uncle passed away. I went to his funeral and it was good to see family, especially one fairly reclusive cousin I haven't seen in at least 5 years. My aunt and cousins were all glad to have me there. Yesterday was my uncle's birthday and I still can't really believe he's gone.

We went to visit another uncle while we were in town. He has Parkinson's and is not doing well at all. He'd just gotten home from the hospital so at least we got to visit him & my aunt at home. Unfortunately, he didn't know who my sister or I were. He is also fairly reclusive, we have never spent much time with him and I haven't seen him for a few years but it was a testimony to how advanced his Parkinson's has become. He is also about half the size he used to be, both in weight and stature. He did, however, know my mom (his youngest sister) and we had a fairly nice visit with my aunt, with my uncle remembering to show us a 60-year-old photo he recently found of himself and his dad. I mentioned in my last post about bad things coming in threes and wondering who the third will be. I may have the answer.

The trip up to the funeral was also, um, interesting. My sister and I had decided to drive up to the funeral together but my dad decided it was a waste of gas and money to take two cars. So my sister and I drove to their house and we all drove the 3.5-hour trip from there together. It was also decided that we were all going to stay in the same hotel room, again for the sake of economy. I did think of getting my own room at about 10 pm but stuck it out & survived a night sharing a bed with my sister, two feet away from where my parents were sleeping. I slept in the car part of the way home the next day, if only for a bit of an escape.

My mother's mental health (ie. her memory) drives me crazy. I should be more understanding and compassionate but I'm not. Most of the things she says, even when not a memory fault, are inane or just complete fabrication, speculation and stupidity. It sounds harsh, I know, but I am having a really, really, hard time being around her. And it shows. I contradict and correct just about everything she says and I have no patience with her. I think that if she would just accept that her memory is failing and get some help, I would have more patience and empathy for her.

Too add more stress to last week, my husband was visiting. He currently lives in Mexico while the children & I live in Canada. Our relationship is strained, to say the least.

On the bright side, my birthday was last week so there was a little spark of brightness. A girlfriend took me to a tea room for lunch, where they have the most amazing shortbread scones (served with Devon cream and jam, of course). Then my 11-year-old daughter arranged a surprise dinner party with my two closest girlfriends and their kids. We all went to a really nice restaurant, where my friend's brother-in-law is a chef. The food was excellent, we had a private space for all of us and we had a very nice time.

Also, on my birthday, I met with a nutritionist and got her recommendations for a new diet plan. The plan is, well, restrictive. We are attempting to work on various health issues I already knew about, plus a couple of more that came up in the testing she did (which consisted of her asking me a gazillion questions). This is what my new diet looks like:

- for Candida, a 3-month detox: no sugar or yeast  Be wary of tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, paprika & eggplant. Avoid dried & canned fruit/juice, melons, mushrooms/truffles, peanuts & pistachios, pickles, condiments, vinegar.
- for egg allergy: no eggs
- for possible sulphite allergy related to egg allergy (resulting in depression): no wine, no garlic or onion, vegetables should be cooked to remove natural sulphites.
- for possible dairy sensitivity (resulting in rosacea): no dairy
- for PCOS: no gluten, preservatives, sweeteners, chemical additives or meat. Cold water fish allowed 3 times/week and if meat is desired, only organic meat once/week.
- for dysglycemia (high risk of diabetes): no white sugar, white flour or their products. Fruits & vegetables should have a low Glycemic Index.
- for high risk of cancer: no preservatives, artificial colours, nitrates, nitrites or synthetic additives.
- no caffeine or alcohol for 3 months

- take supplements: Multivitamin, Vitamin C, Evening Primrose Oil, Olive Leaf & Probiotics
- have a whey protein shake every day

Some of this (the Candida part, no caffeine or alcohol) is for the 3-month detox period. Most of it should be a lifetime commitment. It's pretty drastic, but it's for my own well-being in the end. Some of it is easier to do than others and some things are easier to avoid than others. For example, it's easy to avoid eggs & dairy, not so easy to avoid onions & garlic. I've been trying to follow this for the past week as best I can and I have to admit that I have noticed some changes already: my rosacea is clearing up, my digestion has improved & I feel lighter as a result. I haven't yet lost any weight, but I imagine that will be a welcome by-product of this diet. I am really looking forward to seeing how this will affect my mood and overall health in a couple of months. None of the conditions I have are life-threatening (although the egg allergy is pretty bad) so if I "cheat" every now and then, it won't have drastic consequences. However, I will very likely come to notice that my body will react more sensitively to foods when I do cheat and I will be aware of the way those foods make me feel.

Hopefully, all things considered, I will be feeling better soon.

Stupid Cancer, Part 12

My favourite uncle passed away this weekend. From cancer. He'd beaten lung cancer a couple of years ago but it came back. At the age of 84 with a decade of health concerns behind him and after years of living in near constant pain, he decided to forego treatment. I found out about this last week and had barely come to terms it when he died.

His birthday was this month and I was going to call him (but he died before I could). My birthday is tomorrow and having our birthdays in the same month is one of the things that bonded us. That and a running joke for the past 25 years or so that he was my favourite uncle and I was his favourite niece. It's irrelevant whether that was true or not, but it was our little inside joke. Truth be told, he *was* my favourite uncle on my Mom's side of the family. He was loud and robust and funny and always making jokes. He was opinionated and set in his ways and got up way too early in the morning. He was the crazy uncle amongst the quiet ones. He stood out -- in a good way.

My favourite uncle on my Dad's side died maybe 10 years ago. Of esophageal cancer. He was my Dad's older brother. He had a blind, wonky eye from when he fell out of a highchair when he was a baby and he could whistle in the coolest way. He, too, had a good sense of humour and looked a lot like my Dad.

I've decided I'm not going to choose any more favourite uncles. It's not working out for me very well.

Now that I think about it, I've had three uncles die. All from cancer. Stupid cancer.

I have also been thinking that this is the 2nd death in my family in the past 6 months. Things often happen in threes so I'm kind of dreading the next 6 months and crossing my fingers that that really is nothing more than a superstition.

I went to my cousin's funeral in December primarily to see all my aging aunts and uncles and the rest of the family I rarely get to see. I'm glad I did, as it was the last time I got to see my favourite uncle. I'm going to his funeral this week, too, and while it will be good to see family again, it's also too soon to be seeing them again under similar circumstances. On the bright side, my husband is visiting this week so I can do this little funeral road trip without having to drag the kids along. I'll also get to spend lots of quality time with my sister, as we're carpooling on the 7-hour return trip.

While I'm trying to look for the positives, the fact remains that today I am sad. Beyond that, I recognize it and I am allowing myself to feel that way. And I'm ok with that.