Jobs and Other Things

I went for a job interview last week -- and the whole situation got seriously messed up.  And messed me up.  Not that I wasn't messed up already...

It started off very well.  I got a call out of the blue from a spa owner who wanted me to come in for an interview.  He'd found my resume at my school's career centre.  I was quite pleased and was happy to get some positive feedback: I'd put myself out there and somebody noticed!  Yay me :)

When I went in for the interview, things changed dramatically.  I was left to sit in the "lounge" for nearly half an hour before I had to go find someone to see what was going on and if, indeed, I was going to have an interview.  The office manager apologized profusely for forgetting about me, but the owner just sort of brushed it off.  I am still baffled as to how two different people could forget about someone coming in for an interview.  Anyways, we had a brief chat and they invited me back to give a massage & some reiki to the owner in 10 days.

Part two was supposed to happen tomorrow.  I have been going round in circles over this for the past week and a half: should I go or should I not?  Part of me said I should go and follow through, see what exactly the job was all about , do it for the experience, etc, etc.  The other part of me said I shouldn't waste my time with people who are so unprofessional.  The practical side of me said "go" but my gut said "no". 

Even this morning I had no idea what I should do -- until I was asked about it, and started crying for no apparent reason.  Obviously, there was more to the situation than even I understood.  Shortly after that, I got an email from the spa and found myself wondering what the hell they wanted.  I also realized that in all my imaginings of how the second interview would go, I was usually asking the owner for some explanation of how they'd forgotten me.  That's when I realized that I was actually really angry with them.  Not only did I feel invisible, but disrespected as well.

I also remembered that when I had mentioned to a friend of mine that they'd left me sitting for so long, she said something like, "So, you're not going to work for them, right?".  This is part of what I find so frustrating: my friend automatically realized that these people didn't deserve any more of my time or energy and knew that she would have felt wronged in the same situation but it took me 10 days to figure this out!  Why, oh, why is it so hard for me see when other people treat me poorly and stand up for myself?

Eventually I realized that I was dreading the interview tomorrow so I decided not to go -- and I am positive I made the right decision.  It's always better to listen to your gut.

And in listening, I also heard my gut say that I really don't want a job working for someone else anyways.  What I want is my own practice, damn it!  And why should I settle for anything else?  Granted, there are some complications, like the fact that I can't establish a credit history if I don't have a "real" job (and I desperately need to build a credit history) but I'm working on loopholes and other options.  One way or another, this is going to happen.  Maybe not as quickly as I want it to, but eventually, it will all come together. 

It sure as Hell better...