Stupid Cancer, Part 4

It's been a crazy week so forgive me for not writing before now.  I've been stuck in a whirlwind of stress and when I wasn't otherwise occupied, I was sleeping -- which left no time for writing.

Last Sunday I made the 5-hour drive "home" to my parents' house and arrived just in time for what felt like the Last Supper with all the family gathered together.  Well, not really all of us since I was the only representative from my family but my parents, my sister and her family were there so all of us from my original nuclear family were present.

And then it began.  On Monday my father had surgery: a bowel resection to remove a cancerous tumour in his colon.  They took some lymph nodes as well to test for spread, but we won't have those results back until next week.  The surgery went well, although the recovery hasn't been as quick as we could have hoped for.  There have a been a few minor setbacks but so far, nothing too serious.

On Wednesday, my sister had surgery: a pericardial window to drain the fluid that has been building up around her heart as a result of her cancer.  The surgery itself went well, although the doctors decided to keep her sedated and intubated for a day after the surgery.  We weren't allowed to see her after her surgery and my BIL had to work the next day so I was the only one who could visit.  I ended up staying with her for a few hours until they finally took out her breathing tubes.  Until then, the only way she could communicate was by sign language.  She knows much more than I do , but at least I can finger spell so I was able to be her voice until she got her own back again.

From there I drove the hour back to the hospital my father was in to check in on him before I started my long journey back to my own house.  Once I finally sat down in the car, I felt the cold I'd been battling all week finally settling in.

By Friday I was absolutely, emotionally and physically exhausted.  Waiting in hospitals for hours (9 hours for my dad, 5 hours for my sister), trying to be strong when I visited (despite never having seen them look quite so ill/weak/vulnerable) and trying to process the fact that half of my immediate family has varying stages of cancer and not knowing when or how this is all going to end is just really, really draining.

Add to that the fact that my marriage is sort of non-existant so I don't have as much support to come home to as I'd like and the fact that we're moving in 6 weeks and I'd say I have about as much stress as one person should have to handle all at once.

On the bright side, I did manage to have a few beers and visit with some friends while I was "home" -- and at least a couple of them were able to make me laugh.  I also ate a LOT of poutine.  And today was my birthday so I got to go to the DIA again and got taken out for dinner and ice cream so it was a pretty good day.

None of that lessens the overbearing presence of cancer but it does help me get through the days a bit better, which is really all I can ask for.