Stupid Cancer, Part 10

My cousin passed away on Saturday after a long battle with cancer.  She was 54 and left behind her son, his wife and their two beautiful daughters (aged 3 & 6 or so); her boyfriend; her parents; her brother, his wife and their two daughters; countless friends and relatives.  Her father (my uncle) recently turned 86 and pointed out that it's not right that he's still here and she's not.

I'm still waiting to hear about funeral arrangements, which are being made jointly by her boyfriend & her family, which I think is awesome.  The boyfriend has been around for years and I wouldn't expect anything other from my family than that he would be included but I do know that's not always the case in situations like this.  Hell, even when my father-in-law died, his brothers and sisters were upset that his wife of 30-odd years made the arrangements and not them.  You just never know.

I'm getting together with another cousin tonight, who lives close by.  His parents are in town visiting so they invited us over for dinner and a visit.  It will be great to see them -- it's been years since I've seen my aunt & uncle, who are in their 80's and not well.  With any luck, they'll have some information about the funeral.

These relatives are on my mother's side of the family.  As I've likely mentioned before, my mother is not good at communicating.  This is why I still don't even know what kind of cancer my cousin had, other than it was either stomach or pancreas (or something like that).  Because even though my mother talks to her sister, she won't ask questions.  She would ask how my cousin is and get the answer, "about the same" but even though my mother had no idea what that meant, she wouldn't ask.  It's so frustrating.  Yes, I probably could have taken it upon myself to find out and ask my own questions but unfortunately my family doesn't work that way: direct communication is frowned upon.  It's no wonder I am so bad at it.

I honestly can't say I am overly sad about losing my cousin.  We were never close: she was 14 years older than me and always lived far away.  However, she was always very sweet to me and always made a point of talking to me at family gatherings.  Mostly I am sad for her immediate family, especially her son.  They will miss her tremendously.  I am also angry that this stupid disease has taken someone else before they should have gone.  My cousin was young and good and a nurse -- the kind of person who should have been around a lot longer than she was.  I am also afraid that this stupid disease will get the better of my father and/or my sister at some point and I will have to watch their slow, painful wasting away and inevitable death.  We've been pretty lucky that everything has been going so well for this long but I know the tide can turn at any time and I'm afraid of what will happen when it does.