Just when I thought I wouldn't be able to continue on this emotional roller coaster much longer without being heavily medicated, something positive happened. I'm not sure that I'm off the roller coaster, but at least we've stopped to let people on & off. A little bit of positivity has infected me. In fact, I am near bursting with pride because this morning my son had his first cello performance at school. He is in 4th grade and has been learning cello at school since September.
Now, this in itself is not that exciting. Nor is a 4th grade orchestra performance all that exciting. What makes it so exciting is that our son has an anxiety disorder called "situational mutism". Basically, certain situations make him so anxious that he physically shuts down and unable to speak or move. It's not a choice, it's a reaction. For him, school is what causes him the most anxiety. He did not speak a word to his kindergarten teacher(s) or participate in class for the entire school year - other than doing written work. He couldn't. Even after he began participating in class and speaking to his teachers, he still had a lot of trouble doing things that put him in a position where people would notice him (reading aloud, presenting, performing, etc). However, thanks to an amazing therapist and some really supportive friends and teachers, our son has slowly been "coming out of his shell".
So, for him to be on a stage, front and centre with a hundred or so strangers looking at him is incredible. For him to then participate while he was up there, playing his instrument and singing along with the class is beyond anything we could have dreamed of. He was amazing today and I am so immeasurably proud.
Which is just what I needed.
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