Relate and Repopulate

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine about being alone.  She is a single (widowed) mom to two young girls and knows very well what it means to be alone.  However, the conversation we were having was not about her, but about me.


Over the course of the past 15 years I have moved a lot: I've lived in 10 cities in 5 countries.  What this means is that I have a multitude of friends all over the world but that, whenever I end up in a new place, I am more or less alone and have to be very reliant upon myself.  I think I've done a pretty good job of it, having raised my kids thus far without the help of anyone but my husband and having negotiated the day to day doldrums of setting up house and making a life for my myself and my family on 3 continents.  This also means that I have always lived far away from family and have never lived in one place long enough to have built up any sort of support network of friends.  Usually, by the time I've lived anywhere long enough to have a close, reliable circle of people I can trust, we move.  So, I'm pretty used to being on my own.

Let me interject here that being alone is not the same as being lonely.  Being alone does not necessarily cause one to be lonely, and one can feel tremendously alone even when surrounded by people.  But loneliness aside, I have lately become very aware of how very alone I am at present: no extended family around, I've let most of my local friendships lapse and my marriage is not what it should be. 


But, after pondering this for some time, I've decided that there is a reason for my present situation.  As a friend of mine said, I'm figuring out who I am so I can be my own person, find my own path and put the people I need and want on that path with me.  It would seem that I have deftly and unconsciously depopulated my life so that I can, at some point, repopulate it with people who understand me, support me and love me for who I am.