Tears II

It sucks when you realize how messed up you are.  After weeks of introspection and a visit to my therapist to discuss my findings, that's exactly what happened: I found out how truly messed up I am (at least in certain respects).  The other thing that happened was that my therapist told me that it was ok to feel what I had been avoiding for a very, very, very long time.  The result was that I began to cry -- and continued to cry, sometimes wail, off and on for two days.  Today, at least, I've managed to get through the day without shedding any tears (although I came close this morning), which, oddly enough, I'm not sure I consider an improvement.  I'm still a mess and I expect to be for the foreseeable future but I know that it's all part of the journey.  All this learning and growing is tough shit.  The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I'll be a better, stronger and happier person if I ever make it through.