Dilemma

One of the biggest challenges I am facing on my path to a new and improved me is trying to figure out how not to hurt myself.  It sounds so simple.  I mean, who wants to hurt themselves?  Sadly, it appears that I do.  I try so hard to avoid hurting everyone else around me that I end up being hurt as a result.  I would much rather suffer than harm those I care about.  In some cases, this is a good thing but it turns out that doing it all the time is not. 

One phrase from my current favourite song (Falling by The Civil Wars) goes: "Worried about everyone but me/ And I just keep losing myself".  Which is exactly the problem.  I'm so incredibly worried about what everyone else is thinking or feeling or wanting that I pay my own thoughts, feelings and desires no heed.  In the process, I've put myself at the bottom of my own list of People I Care About.

I keep being reminded that I need to make myself a priority; that I need to figure out what I want and what I need (and then, logically, make those things happen).  I understand the theory, but what happens when my needs are the complete opposite of the needs of those whom I love and care about?  How do I say what I need to say when I know my words will sting?  How do I act when I know my actions will hurt?  How do I come to terms with the idea that my happiness is worth causing others pain?  How do I convince myself that I am worth fighting for?

As they sing in Falling: "Please, please tell me you know"...