Hurry Up and Wait

Today I had a nice, long chat with a dear friend.  We hadn't talked (well, skyped) in at least 3 or 4 months so there was a lot to share.  This friend is particularly good at saying very little, but saying it very effectively and also very good at asking exactly the right questions to get me to open up and, often, think about things differently.  While I loved our chat and loved getting all caught up, our conversation stirred up some thoughts and, consequently, some feelings that it seems I'd been ignoring -- or at least trying to forget about.  Not 2 hours after we'd said goodnight, my mind was spinning and I was in tears.

On the one hand, my situation now is not very different than how things usually are every 3 years or so when my husband's work contract is up for renewal.  There's always a lot of uncertainty and a lot of waiting.  I always hate it, but I always get through it.  This time is really not that much different, except that a) the renewal time is much shorter and b) there is so much more riding on it.  This extension is really only just to buy us a bit of time to figure out what comes next -- and at this point nobody knows what comes next, neither in my husband's professional life, nor in our personal lives.

I'm generally not much of a planner, but when my whole future and my whole life hangs in the balance -- moreso than ever before -- I would really like to know where I'm going to end up.  But alas, there's really nothing I can do but be patient and see how the next year unfolds.