Body Image

When I went for my energy work session last week, it came up... again.  Every time I have energy work done, or I'm at an energy work class, this topic seems to crop up.  My teacher usually says something like: "I don't know why you think you're fat, because you're the farthest thing from it".  Usually I don't pay much attention to her, but for some reason, I can't seem to stop thinking about it this week.

I wouldn't consider myself the "farthest thing" from fat.  According to the charts, I'm on the high side of normal.  I also know the charts are not entirely accurate, especially for people with a lot of muscle mass.  So, I'm not fat but I'm also pretty far from skinny -- or so I think.  I'm "healthy" and fairly muscular and fit and I'm ok with that.

That said, I know there is a bit of truth to what she says, and I'm pretty sure it dates back to childhood.  I was a round kid with chubby cheeks (that adults loved to pinch & kiss -- gross!) and compared to my super skinny sister, I felt even rounder and chubbier.  So, in my head - to this day - I'm the chubby one and she's the skinny one.  Never mind that 30 years later the reality is quite different and I'd guess she weighs a good 50 lbs more than I do.

Not that this is very scientific but look what happened: the chubby kid had to learn to eat well and exercise in order to gain/maintain a decent shape and now that we are either side of 40, I'm in better shape than most people I know and look fairly decent.  My sister, on the other hand, never had to pay attention to what she ate and never had to exercise and as the poor lifestyle choices became more ingrained, I watched her shape change from hourglass to apple.  So, if a bit of a body image issue keeps me eating well and working out, I think it's ok.

My immediate family is also plagued by every major disease/health concern out there: cancer, heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc, etc.  As a result, I'm likely a little more concerned than most people about my health and well-being.  I'd like to live a long, productive, healthy life -- and since most of those health concerns can be attributed to lifestyle choices, I like to think that I'm doing my best (most of the time) to overcome them.

So, while I would like to lose 10 lbs and while there are some parts of my body that I don't really love, I think I'm ok.  I know I'm in better shape than most people my age and five minutes of people watching at the mall will reassure me that I am, indeed, not fat.  I also know that yes, I probably do have a bit of a body image issue but I'm good with that, as long as it keeps me healthy.