I probably should have written before now to say that I'm not pissed anymore. Although I really was and it felt pretty good to recognize it for a change. I spent all that day hating on the world, my situation and the people that put me here. But that's ok. I was angry - for good reason - and I owned it.
In the week since then, I think I've experienced just about every emotion available. It's been another roller-coaster week and I'm tired and could probably use a drink or two...
I'm starting to get really stressed about moving. A guy came from a moving company the other day to give me a quote. As we were wandering around the house, we looked at everything we own that has to be moved -- it's a LOT! And there's so much that I have to clean out and donate that I don't need to move with us. And they want a lot of money to move us so we'll probably move ourselves (if we can) which means I'll have to pack everything. It's so much work and it's such an incredibly daunting task -- it's so overwhelming!
Luckily, one of my best girlfriends came to visit with her little ones to distract me from all my moving stress. We had a great time hanging out at the beach at our local lake. And... I even a) went in the water and b) swam out to the raft. Most of you probably don't know that I have had an extreme fish phobia for the last 22 years. I am terrified of fish (plus, they're just ugly). Needless to say, my daughter was pleasantly shocked to see me in the water and I felt pretty good about myself for overcoming my fear. Aside from the minnows, there were even a couple of bigger fish (about 6 inches long) swimming around in the shallows -- and they didn't even scare me out of the water!
Unfortunately, my visitors only stayed a couple of days and then it was time to jump back in to real life, which I did by taking my daughter house hunting. It was a long day: 2.5 hour drive there, drive around all day looking at houses, drive 2.5 hours back home. My daughter was a trooper throughout and it was great to get her opinion. I wish my son could have been with us as well, but he was away at scout camp and, time being of the essence, we couldn't afford to wait until he got back. It was a good thing that we didn't wait as we found the perfect little house that would certainly have been sold before we got to see it. We're putting in an offer today -- so much anticipation!
I also found out this week that the results came back from the cancer tests my dad had when he had his surgery last month and that the results were positive. It's low-grade cancer so they're going to wait for him to recover from his surgery before they start further treatment. He'll meet with the oncologist next week to find out exactly what the course of treatment will be. Stupid cancer!
I realized recently that, very likely, in a few years I will have lost half of my immediate family to this stupid disease, leaving just me and my mother. Of the four of us, this is pretty much the worst combination of any two people to be left together. It's going to be an interesting journey...
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