Let Go and Let Flow

I heard a phrase today that perfectly summed up what I've been experiencing the past couple of weeks: "Let Go and Let Flow".  It also mirrors a conversation I had last week with a dear friend, who, when asked how he was going to deal with a certain relationship in his life, replied with one simple word: "Flow".  This friend happens to be a master of flow, so it didn't surprise me that he planned to approach things that way.  What did surprise me was how much those words stuck with me, until I realized that that was precisely what my problem has been: lack of flow.

Any of you following my blog will know that the past few months have been less than ideal, especially on a personal level.  About two months ago, after a little more than two years of therapy, my husband decided to stop going to couples counselling (we're still married, just not in therapy, although I still go on my own).  That was followed, a month later, by another important relationship coming to an end.  It's been a difficult time, to say the least.  However, as I adjust to the new circumstances and as the cloud of depression lifts, I have begun to experience and see things from a new perspective.

What I now realize is that instead of focusing on me, I was putting all my energy into my relationships with others and trying to force them to move in directions and at speeds in which they were not yet ready or able to go.  Not only did that prevent the relationships from going anywhere, it also prevented the rest of my life from moving in the right direction -- or anywhere at all.  It's no wonder I felt like I was constantly swimming upstream!  I wrote about the idea that Everything Happens the Way it's Supposed to Happen, but what I didn't realize was that in order to let things happen they way they are supposed to, I first have to let go.  Nothing can happen the way its supposed to with me holding on to it and trying to make something else happen.

I'll be the first to admit that being forced to let go was not easy.  It still isn't, but I'm beginning to understand that you have to Let Go and Let Flow.  Because now that I've let go, things are moving, changing, happening -- not necessarily the way that I thought I wanted them to, but in the way that they are supposed to and in a way that, I think, in the long run, will prove to be the right way.

So, I am learning to go with the flow.  It's so much easier to travel with the current than to fight against it.  I'm going to (try to) relax and see where this river takes me and, perhaps more importantly, figure out who I am and what I want along the way.  Then, once I have a better understanding of myself and I have my life in a more stable place, I'll be able to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone else.