Confidence

Lately I've been giving a lot of thought to the subject of confidence and why it is that I don't seem to have much of it.  I like to think that my younger self, say from the ages of 16 to about 22, was fairly confident.  That, at least, is what I was told on more than one occasion by several different people.  And, more importantly, it's how I felt.  Over the years I have lost a large part of whatever confidence I had and it has become clear to me that I need to regain it.

Thinking back to the Confidence Era, there are a couple of things that I think are significant.  Firstly, those were my student years (highschool and university).  Secondly, I was single for a few of those years.  And although I lived at home, I was fairly independent and led a fairly autonomous life.  It's interesting that my most independent years where those when I still lived with my parents.  After that, I became an au-pair and lived with another family and then lived with my husband.  I have never lived on my own (and I have never held a full-time job).  I wonder if perhaps that has led to this loss of confidence.  Maybe if I had had the chance to be independent and rely on myself a bit more, I would have developed a fuller sense of who I was before I began sharing myself with a husband and children. 

I am back in school now and I have noticed a slight boost in my confidence, which I suspect will continue to grow as I work my way through school and continue to learn and grow.  Otherwise, I really have no idea how I am going to build up my confidence, which I see as a reflection of my sense of self.  I suppose if I try to take better care of myself, physically and emotionally, I should see some kind of benefit.  It will be slow going and the growth increments may be subtle, but I hope to get there some day.