On Jealousy and Envy

I am not a jealous person.  This often invites stares and comments of incredulity.  I've been giving this a lot of thought lately, as certain circumstances have arisen that- one would think - should send me into a fit of jealousy.  And yet, that doesn't seem to be happening.

Jealousy, as I understand it, is an emotion brought on by the fear of losing something (partner, relationship) to a rival.  Thus, in order to be jealous, one must think they are going to lose something.  In all my years in relationships, I have never had this fear.  Mostly, I was content enough and secure enough in my relationship to know that if my guy talked to or flirted with another girl, that our relationship was still intact and would carry on unscathed.  No fear.  The same is true for the flipside: that if I realized that the flirting was in some way going too far, our relationship was already damaged enough that I wasn't all too worried if it ended or not.  Again, no fear.  And without fear, there is no jealousy.

Jealousy, however, is not to be confused with envy (as it so often is) even when the two emotions overlap or occur simultaneously.  Reading up on the subject on Wikipedia, I learned that philosopher John Rawls distinguishes between jealousy and envy on the ground that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has, and envy the wish to get what one does not have.  Or, as psychologists Laura Guerrero and Peter Andersen have proposed, the jealous person "perceives that he or she possesses a valued relationship, but is in danger of losing it or at least of having it altered in an undesirable manner," whereas the envious person "does not possess a valued commodity, but wishes to possess it."   In relationships (mine, at least), the commodity is usually affection.  

So, while I may be more or less immune to jealousy - at least thus far in my life - I have been touched many times by envy.  There is nothing worse - especially if you're single - to see the guy you like making out with another girl at the school dance.  Envy is not a feeling I enjoy and I usually try to rationalize my way out of it as it usually finds me in situations in which I really have no right to experience it (Why shouldn't Bob make out with Mary?  She's his girlfriend, I'm not.) which generally makes it easier to deal with. 

Neither jealousy nor envy are pleasant emotions.  But as long as we understand that they are different emotions, they can be dealt with and understood better -- which will, hopefully, in turn, help people to understand me better.